


Mend

by Nisaki



Category: Supernatural RPF
Genre: Alpha Jensen, Alpha/Beta/Omega Dynamics, Angst with a Happy Ending, Explicit Sexual Content, M/M, Mating Cycles/In Heat, Non-Consensual Drug Use, Omega Jared, Rape Recovery, forced mating, kinkmeme prompt, mpreg mention nothing happens though, pretending to be a couple, there's only one bed what are we gonna do
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-25
Updated: 2018-09-25
Packaged: 2019-07-17 13:07:28
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 5
Words: 38,701
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16096292
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Nisaki/pseuds/Nisaki
Summary: Jensen and Jared are forced to mate when someone slips a drug that causes Alphas to lose their senses and into a rut. This is how they deal with it.Based onthis promptfrom the kinkmeme





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * For [ereynolds](https://archiveofourown.org/users/ereynolds/gifts).



> First of all happy birthday to Ereynolds. May you have a great one. It's such a great occurrence that I finished your prompt on your birthday.  
> The BIGGEST thank you and the warmest hug to [Wetsammywinchester](http://wetsammywinchester.tumblr.com/) for being a sweetheart and agreeing to beta this monster. She was amazing and this story wouldn't be readable without her. All mistakes are mine.
> 
> Thank you to my best friend [Laughablelament](https://laughablelament.tumblr.com/) for listening to me complain, holding my hand and encouraging me. This wouldn't be here without you.
> 
> NO thanks to my sister, she did nothing even if she likes to think she did. *rolling eyes*
> 
> This story had been in the work for almost a year and a half and I am so beyond happy that I finished it, I have so many times thought I wouldn't be able to. I hope you guys enjoy it!
> 
> Standard disclaimer apply, I don't own anything but the plot and this is all for fun.

Jared's hair tossed about as the gentle breeze turned to wind. The nights were always cold in Vancouver, like Canada never got the memo for summer time. He hurried his steps.

A smile stretched his lips as he glimpsed Jensen standing in front of the bar, the corner more lit just because he was there. It was a lively place despite the relatively late hour, sounds buzzing all around and colorful lights flashing through the bar's windows, with people entering and exiting.

Jensen was dressed like he was going to walk on a runaway, ever fussy about his clothes even though he'd never admit to it. His bow legs were hugged by tight dark Jeans, a creamy jacket that narrowed near the waist, and ended with the hips, a white tee shirt below it. Jensen's light brown hair was styled into fashionable mess, short spikes giving the air of a bad boy. Jensen turned his head, the blue and purple lights from the bar catching his face, casting shadows that accentuated his high cheek bones and made his green eyes appear almost black.

Once he caught sight of Jared a grin split his face, showing rows of perfect white teeth and Jared ran to him. Strong arms held him close as he clung to Jensen's neck, breathing in his strong sent. Jensen smelt like the forest, freshly fallen leaves and wet dirt, and wood.

''I missed you,'' he breathed into Jensen's neck. Jensen tightened his embrace in answer. Jared chuckled and moved back, looking at his friend. They haven't seen each other all summer. Working crazy hours while filming their unexpectedly successful show had made Jared decide to leave Jensen be for the summer, but he'd really missed him.

He'd met Jensen over two years ago, in 2005. Pilot season. Jared remembered that day, he was alone in the audition room, when a hot guy walked in. Confidence and authority oozing from him, and despite being shorter than Jared (most people were) he seemed to occupy much more space. Fierce green eyes sized him up, then plush lips curved into a gentle smile, and the alpha was offering his hand for a shake.

Jared knew the man had to be playing for Dean, cocky grin he was wearing. And they'd clicked. Sharing Texas as a home and tons of other things in common, they had a lot to talk about, and they'd become inseparable ever since. Jared had expected Jensen to look down on him, being omega and younger, but none of that happened. Instead Jensen took him under his wing, stood up for him and taught him so much.

Jared didn't think  _ Supernatural _ would've made it without Jensen.

Realizing his hands were still on Jensen's shoulder, he moved one and patted the upper of Jensen's arm with the other. Jensen gave him a somewhat nervous smile, and opened the door for him.

The bar was clean, the soft music drowned out by hushed conversations that sounded like a far-away traffic. The smell of alcohol mixed with a subtle hint of sweat. Back in the far corner, a few men were smoking.

They chose an isolated place, not near the smokers because Jared hated the smell, but not close to the entrance either. They sat sideways on the stools so they were facing each other, Jared hunching down a bit closer. Jensen had suggested they meet here before the shooting for the third season started, to catch up on their time apart and Jared was glad. It's fourteen days until filming started but they agreed to hang out during that time.

Jensen was looking down at the bar, his left elbow resting there, fingers drumming a fast rhythm on the wood. Little finger, ring, middle, index, repeat. His leg was bouncing, the beer splashing around in the bottle where he'd placed it over his thigh. 

''You okay?''

Jensen stopped all movement, drank from his beer. He arched a brow.

''You look nervous,'' Jared explained. Jensen's gentle smile wrinkled the skin around his eyes, it was Jared's favourite. The one that had Jensen's lips in a perfect curve, his green eyes sparking and tender. Like Jared did something so adorable Jensen couldn’t help feeling fond.

Jensen shot up from his seat and gave Jared's shoulder a pat. ''Be right back. Order me a whiskey?''

Jared nodded, a bit concerned at the quick change in attitude.  He called for the bartender to get Jensen's whiskey. Jensen took his drink sharp, said watering whisky down was a crime. Jared smiled as he got the tumbler.

His sight was blocked by a bulky, short man. His hair was cut shorter than Jensen's, dark brown. His nose angled sharply from the bridge, long and pointed. His small brown eyes gleamed, and a wicked grin was plastered on his face.  Alpha pheromones that he didn't bother to mask reeked, and Jared scrunched his nose.

Out of the corner of his eyes, he saw another two men, no doubt also alphas, ogling him. Being as big as he was, most alphas considered him repulsive, but some thought he was a challenge. Like fucking an omega this big proved something. This was one of those. Jared quelled the urge to laugh.

''Hey there, gorgeous.'' the alpha's breath was worse than his pheromones, and Jared grimaced. ''Don't be like that, I just want to have a good time.''

''Not interested.'' Jared's annoyance mounted as the alpha settled in Jensen's seat. Seeming to notice, the alpha sneered.

''You're waiting on the pretty thing? That ain't no real alpha. Let me show you how it's done.'' 

''Don't talk about him, ever.'' he hissed.

The alpha boomed with laughter. ''Look at you defending his honour, such a wuss to leave you here alone, unattended. He doesn't deserve you.'' 

''I'm not a baby, I don't need to be attended to. And we're just friends,''

Another laugh, harsher and longer. ''Friends? An alpha and an omega? Did you hear that boys?'' He trailed his finger around the rim of Jensen’s whiskey glass then turned to his two friends and they shared his glee. Jared didn't answer.

The alpha leaned in real close, his stinky breath wet on Jared's chin. ''You seem to be up on the clouds, sweet omega. Friends means equal, and you ain't equal to any alpha, and someone-'' he put emphasis on someone, ''ought to fuck you back to your place.'' He lifted his hand but never made it to touch Jared.

Jensen was there, hand wrapped in a bruising grip around the alpha’s wrist, his shoulders tensed; a wide, strong wall of muscles in front of Jared. Jared flashed back to another bar, another fight. Jensen had came back for him then, too. Not because he didn't think of Jared as equal, but because he cared.

''If you want to keep your fingers, I advise you to never try to touch him again.'' Jensen growled, muscles bulking up, Jensen ready to fight.

''Jen,'' Jared made his voice soft, trusting that Jensen would understand. He could take them alone. Some alphas liked to believe that just being alpha meant stronger, but that was only true if they mated, since mating gave the alpha enough strength to ‘care’ for his omega. Jared was taller, and had more muscle mass than any of three of them, and he had some training for his career, and obviously none of them was his mate.  

Jensen threw the alpha's hand back at him and stepped aside. He smiled at Jared, and leaned against the bar. Arms crossed against his chest, easy air around him deceiving. Jared knew Jensen had his back.

''Wow, he really has you on a leash, huh?'' the alpha sneered at Jensen, then turned to Jared ''You need a real alpha, boy. This one ain't good enough,'' The other two asked the bastard if he’d share and that  _ was it _ for Jared.

Jared lunged to his feet and grabbed the alpha's collar, nearly lifting him off of the floor.

''Another word and I'll break your face.''

Jared let go and the alpha stumbled back; eyes wide, unbelieving an omega could be so bold. He took a look at Jensen and bared his teeth. ''You're such a wuss,'' he spat. Jensen knew what the man was trying for, he only shrugged his shoulders at him.

''He's ten times more alpha than you'll ever be. And your problem is with me, so leave him out of it.'' Jared's voice was commanding, and he watched with amusement as the asshole sputtered. So out of his element, used to bullying helpless omegas. His other friends stepped closer, standing at his back and Jared laughed.

''So you're ganging up? What's the matter, your alpha here can't take an omega alone?'' The alpha fell for the bait and threw the first punch. A horrible decision that he'd come to regret in a second.  Jared didn't dodge, instead he caught the man's fist in his much bigger one and squeezed, causing the alpha to wince in pain. One of the two stepped close, raised his fist. Jared dodged but not fast enough, taking the hit to his jaw. 

He grit his teeth. They were really asking for it, now.

Less than two minutes was all it took for Jared to throw all the three alphas on their asses. He shared a look with Jensen and Jensen couldn't help it. He tipped his head back and laughed, turned around and smiled wide at the bartender, who obviously didn't share their glee.

''You need to leave,'' the bartender said. But to Jared's pleasant surprise he was talking to the three assholes.

The first alpha threw a murderous look at the bartender and then turned to Jared ''He's all sweet on you now but he'll snap and fuck you like the bitch you are and we'll see how you feel about him, then.'' The other two were talking nonsense as well, and one of them shoved Jared at Jensen before he left.

''You okay?'' Jensen asked once they were left alone. Jared raised a hand and rubbed at his jaw. He'd taken a blow there but it didn't hurt that much, worst case scenario he'll have a bruise. It would be gone by the time they were due on set so nothing that Jared considered serious.

''I'll live.'' Jared shrugged. ''I ordered you whisky.'' He pointed at the glass with his head. Jensen nodded and took back his seat. He drew the glass near the edge on the wooden bar, then knocked it down like a shot.

''Woah, easy there,'' Jared chided.

''Just so I won't go after them and commit murder.'' Jensen mumbled, tips of his fingers slid along Jared's bruised jaw.

Jared chest filled with warmth. ''I'm okay, Jen.'' Jared placed his hand on Jensen's, his thumb brushing on Jensen's wrist. Jensen's features softened. His eyes stayed on Jared's face for a bit longer before he nodded.

''Let's go back to having fun and forget about it,''

The night went on in a mindless chatter about their vacation, conversation going back and forth until both of them finished a second bottle of beer. Jensen's eyes glassed over, his attention harder to get, and he looked dazed. Jared knew he didn't have enough to get this drunk. He called for him, but Jensen didn't respond, only leaning closer, sniffing at the air.

''Jensen!'' Jared tried not to snap, but concerned as he was, his voice was still laced with annoyance. Jensen winced liked Jared's voice hurt his ears, shook his head and blinked at Jared. He glanced around then his eyes settled on Jared's again. The frown on his face made Jared's heartbeat double up. Something was wrong.

''I need to leave, Jay.'' Jensen yanked his wallet out and tossed some bills on the bar, enough to cover both their tabs. He stumbled on his first steps, his walk grew faster as he gained balance, pushing his way to the exit.

Jared called after him and got ignored. He cursed under his breath and shot up to follow. He caught up to him just outside. Jensen had his hands on his knees, breaths labored and sweat sliding down his temples. Soon as he got close, he didn't need to ask. Jensen's scent got stronger, pouring out of him. Jared swallowed, took a step to Jensen's side. Hands on Jensen's shoulder, he helped him stand straight.

''You're going into a rut,'' he said, glad that his voice came out calm despite him feeling anything but. ''We need to get you home. Tomorrow I will chew you out for not taking suppressants when you knew we were going out.''

Jensen didn't say anything, followed him to the cab and opened the window once the car moved. He took off his jacket and hissed like he was in pain. He was drenched, pits of his tee wet, and sweat made rivulets down his neck.  Jensen covered his face with his jacket and gasped into it.

''Stop the car,'' Jensen barked. Jared's protest was slower than the driver's compliance, and the car wasn't fully parked when Jensen threw himself out of it. He tripped but got to his feet and then ran towards the forest that surrounded their community. The way through the wood was shorter in distance, but in no way faster than a car. Jensen wasn't acting reasonable.

Jared paid the cab, and followed Jensen again.

He caught sight of Jensen's back a minute later.''Jensen! Jensen, wait.''

''Stay away!'' Jensen yelled at him, voice shot to hell. It made Jared nervous, but it was Jensen. Jared couldn't leave him like this alone.

''Hey, it's no big deal. I'm not leaving you alone in the middle of a rut. Let's get you home, okay?''

Jensen stepped close, held him. Jared stiffened as Jensen's arms crushed him into his chest. Jensen was gulping the air in,  _ smelling _ Jared.

''Jared. Jared. You have to run,'' he wheezed.

''Shhhh. Jensen, it's okay.''

Before he could hug back, Jensen's hands gripped his biceps and pushed him away. Jensen's green eyes were rimmed bloody, pupils dilated and teeth bared.

''Run!'' he shouted. This time Jared obeyed.

 

Perhaps what scared him the most was confusion. Jared hadn't seen many alphas in ruts, but he didn't remember any of them being  _ this _ out of it. Jensen's eyes were shining burgundy, and it was the only thing Jared could see when he turned his head back to glance at Jensen.

Fear was an unclear thought in the back of his mind, he was running as fast as he could, but a part of him held hope that he didn't need to. It was Jensen. Jensen would never hurt him.

The roar Jensen made sent chills down his spine. For a split second, he froze. Another growl and he was sprinting. This time he  _ was _ scared.

Jensen was coming at him full speed, breaking branches and splitting the air as he rapidly covered the distance between them .

Their community came into sight and Jared ran faster. Looping around trees, his breath came in choked off gasps.

Jensen caught the back of his jacket, Jared shook it off. He almost slipped away, but Jensen held his wrist and pulled. Jared screamed.

''Jensen, no.'' he said, firmly.

Jensen yanked him around, face coming too close. Jared couldn't recognize the beast in front of him. It wasn't Jensen. Not his Jensen.

He tried to pull away, and Jensen pushed him down, following him to the ground. Pinning Jared's body to the dirt with his own. Jared twisted, threw his legs to the side; trying in vain to dislocate Jensen.

Jensen didn't budge, meaty thighs straddled Jared's hips, effectively rendering him immobile.  Both of his wrists were held under Jensen's iron grip, the pressure strong enough that Jared knew if he attempted to move his hand, Jensen would break it.

Jared's breath was knocked out of him as his mouth was claimed in an animalistic kiss. Tongue forcing itself inside, and teeth biting down on his lips. He sank his teeth into the wet muscle prodding his mouth open, and Jensen hissed.

The next thing he knew, he was shoved face first into the ground, Jensen's hard cock pressing against his ass. He placed his hands on the ground and pushed back, only to be slammed back down. Sharp teeth hooked into his shirt, the sound of cloth tearing mixed with the deep growls Jensen was letting out and Jared struggled anew. Jensen forced him down, roaring, his strong hand branded the small of Jared's back as he held him in place and shred his shirt with his teeth.

Fear seized his heart, his blood ran cold as Jensen rutted against him. He his trial to dislodge Jensen was cut short; Jensen's fingers wrapped around his forearm and pulled. The snap of his bone was followed by a deafening shout.  Jensen roared and thrust his hips harder.

''Please stop, Jensen. Stop.'' 

Jensen tore his jeans down, and sank his teeth into the meat of Jared's ass, forcing another pained screech from his throat. His pleas turned into a chant. Jensen didn't stop, crawled up. He pressed his cheek down and nuzzled against Jared's neck, growling right into his ear as he licked at the lobe. Tears streaked down Jared's face, cleaning themselves a track through the dirt covering his skin. He whimpered as Jensen's cock pushed into him, windpipe too raw for him to scream.

His hole wasn't dry, but he wasn't wet enough to take Jensen's girth, and the pain from the harsh thrusts had him begging Jensen to stop again. But Jensen wasn't there. His friend was long lost to whatever monster was possessing him.

Jensen's hands moved, one gripping his hip and the other fisting in his hair, yanking his head back hard. He begged again, voice horse and desperate. Jensen answered him with inhuman sounds, licked at his neck.

The burn from his ass flared, Jensen's knot swelling and locking them together. And Jared was glad it was finally over as he felt the hot come filling him. His lids fell half closed and sleep was calling to him.

Sharp, hot pain shot through Jared's neck, Jensen's teeth spilling blood. He took a quick breath, pain spreading through his body. Everything hurt.

Jensen bit him. A mating bite.

He closed his eyes, welcoming the dark.

**

He was floating; limbs made of cotton and lids too heavy. The world buzzed around him, far away noises getting closer and closer. He winced as his head throbbed, and something to his right moved, called his name.

''Jared?''

A voice he couldn't recognize; feminine. Opening his eyes took more effort than it should.The white light burned for a bit before he adjusted. 

''Where am I?'' he wheezed. His throat was dry. He looked down at himself and frowned when the cast on his left forearm greeted him.

''You're in the hospital, sweetie.''

He lifted his head and stared, the woman was in her mid-forties. Wrinkles around her eyes gentled their sharp ends. She had her wheat-colored hair pulled into a loose ponytail, and she was dressed in white scrubs. Her mouth was curved into a patient smile. Waiting for him to catch up. Why was he here? The last thing he remembered was going out with Jensen.

Jensen.

''Oh god,'' he sobbed, gritting his teeth at the flare of pain from his backside as he sat up. The nurse rushed to help him, propping him up on the pillows. 

''Take it easy, sweetie.'' The nurse, Mary Anderson, her name tag read, placed a glass of water in his hand. He gave her a smile, and drank, thankful for the feeling of cold water soothing his raw throat.

The door opened and a doctor walked in, wearing practiced sympathy as a mask and Jared grimaced. He hated hospitals.

''I'm glad to see you awake.''

Jared nodded in acknowledgement. His head swimming with the horrifying events of what he assumed was last night.

''How long was I here?''

''Not long, your mate brought you in this morning, you've been out since then.''

Mate.

Jared swallowed down the desire to shout at the man; he had nothing to with it.

''My name is Dr. Robert Anderson, I'm the doctor assigned to your case.'' At the name, Jared looked up, glancing between the nurse and his doctor. He noticed their smell for the first time; Alpha and Omega. They smelled like each other. 

What was once a reason for him to smile, now had his nose scrunching up in disgust.

_ Mates. _

''Since we couldn't call your parents without yours or your mate's permission, they weren't informed of your state. Do you want us to contact them?''

It wasn't like he expected Jensen to stay, but it stung to hear that he wasn't there. Not only did he dump Jared and leave, he didn't even bother to call his parents.

''Your injuries aren't serious enough, so we didn't take the action. We'd like to ask your permission to call Mr. Ackles' parents however.''

''What? Why would you?'' He glared at the doctor, and rethought his decision to not scream at the man.

''Mr. Ackles hasn't woken up yet, and his heart is in danger of giving out.''

Through his vivid memories of last night, and the terror he felt at recalling them, Jared found he still had a place in his heart to fear for Jensen. Dr. Anderson caught on to his surprised face.

''I'm sorry, I should've been less forward.''

''What do you mean his heart would give out?''

Jared breathing grew shallow, rapid and uncoordinated and his heart rate was following suit as he listened to the doctor explain what had happened to them.

Jensen was drugged.

''More like poisoned.'' 

He snapped his head to stare at the doctor.

''To tell you the truth, I don't even know how he managed to live through it till now. Not only that he carried you here. He was mostly sober before he fainted.''

The doctor guided Jared through his million questions about the whole accident. The drug given to Jensen was supposed to be some kind of aphrodisiac for alphas, and it was banned for its strong affects, forcing alphas into ruts.

''It's fatal in a lot of cases. Your mate consumed twice the usual dose. It's a miracle either of you is alive. You're a very lucky omega.''

At that Jared's haze broke ''Lucky?'' He growled at the doctor ''How's any of this lucky!''

The doctor's face flashed with annoyance before he schooled it back to neutral.

''Well, I've seen omegas being shred apart by alphas under this drug's influence. Your mate while unconscious is still alive, and you are mostly unharmed. Compared to what could've happened, I'd say you're lucky.''

Jared lowered his head and refused to acknowledge the truth in the statement.  He was still angry, but now also relieved. It wasn't Jensen, a huge part of him was grateful that his friend didn't hurt him on purpose. He sagged back onto the bed, closing his eyes. A wave of exhaustion hit him, and sleep took him under. His last thoughts were a prayer for Jensen to be safe.

 

**

 

When he woke up again he was alone, and his head wasn't hurting as much. The words from his conversation with the doctor sent dread through him and he pressed frantically at the nurse's button. The nurse who came to him wasn't Mary, but a young beta male.

''How's Jensen?'' He asked once the man showed up. 

''He regained consciousness about an hour ago,'' the man smiled at him.

Relief like no other washed over him, his shoulders slumping under its weight. He smiled gratefully at the nurse, thanking him. His request to see Jensen was met with encouragement.

He stumbled his first steps, but soon gained his footing. His ass didn't hurt anymore, and he had yet to see the bite mark in the mirror. If he didn't see it, it wasn't there. And he had enough to think about without the whole level of fucked-up a mating bite meant. So he ignored it all as he made his way to Jensen's room. Chanting in his head that it was his friend, his co-star, he was going to visit and firmly not thinking of Jensen as his mate.

The door to Jensen's room stood unfeeling of Jared's turmoil, solid and uncaring, as Jared shivered in front of it. His resolve to pretend nothing had happened crumbled and a lump formed in his throat. He hated the three alphas who were no doubt responsible for this, but when he had woken up his first thought was to hate Jensen.

The hurt he felt was caused by Jensen. The storm in his heart and the shaking of his hands were all because of Jensen.

But.

Jensen was just like him. A victim.

How did Jensen feel about him? Did he hate Jared?

Bile rose in his esophagus, and he slapped a hand over his mouth, trying to stop himself from throwing up. His legs trembled and he leaned his back to the wall.

Time passed as he stood there, calming himself down. He forced himself to pull slow, deep breaths. Before he could change his mind; he wrapped his fingers around the handle and pushed the door open.

Jared didn't know what he expected to see behind the door, but it certainly wasn't this. Jensen was sitting in the bed, head hung between his shoulders and tears streaming down his cheeks. His head snapped up and Jared was caught in verdant green.

''Jensen,'' he whispered. Something in Jensen's face broke, his sad expression turned into a pained grimace. He used the sheet he was covered with to wipe his tears, when he lifted his head again, his poker face was on.

They looked at each other from across the room until Jared gathered enough courage to pull a chair near Jensen's bed. For a long while the seconds ticked without them saying anything, the silence was suffocating in its thickness, but neither of them knew how to end it.   So they sat there, unmoving and not a word was said.

**

In the night, Dr Anderson told him he was free to leave the next morning. If this was a normal situation he would be calling Jensen to get him some clothes and drive him home, but Jensen was in the room down the hall and the doctors refused to sign his release. Afraid to let him go before his blood is completely clean of the substance he was given.

Even if Jensen was allowed to leave, Jared wasn't sure how to be around him. 

Dr. Anderson had insisted on filing a police report, he said that they could charge the three assholes with attempted murder. But Jared refused, he unfairly begged Jensen to let it go. They weren't famous by any means but a scandal like this would be sure to kill the show, they barely even started. And really, what good would it do?

Jensen was already stuck with him. The bite made everything so much more complicated.

A mating bite is binding. It was for that reason today's mates chose to forsake the ancient tradition and go for marriage.

The bond created by the bite was unfair to omegas. And while some still practiced it, the government had put on some restrictions to protect the omegas who have been bitten.

Alphas could leave, but it would hurt the omega immensely. They would suffer worsening, painful heats until the bond broke. The time it took for a mating bond to break was different in each case, and omegas would have to live the rest of their lives alone, as they never accepted another mate.

Jared doubted Jensen would do that to him.

His eyes teared up as the thought of a loveless mating hit him again. Jared was ever the hopeless romantic, dreaming of an alpha to sweep him off of his feet. In his past meaningless flings, he never allowed the alphas to knot him, saving that special bond to his future mate. Never expecting his future mate to be stuck and didn't want anything to do with Jared.

Without knowing what he was doing, he walked out to the phone, asked the nurse for money and dialed a number.

_ ''Hello?'' _

''Chad, I need your help,''

_ ''I'll be there as soon as I can.'' _

He didn't know what it was in his voice that promoted the worried response from his friend, and he choked up again, he managed to tell Chad about where he was before he hung up the phone.

When he retold what had happened to Chad he thought he would never be able to stop crying. Chad held him through it, and he was thankful for his friend's support. Chad was a douche when he wanted to be, but not once did Jared need him and didn't find him.

''So,'' his friend started, ''What are you going to do about it?''

Jared shut his eyes against the tears that yet again were threatening to fall, with his mind going back to  the strained conversation he and Jensen had after they refused to charge the men.

Jensen's hands had been trembling as he suggested they stay together. Jensen had had enough grace to not point the fact that Jared's refusal to tell the truth about the incident left them with no other choice.

_ Whatever you want, Jared. _

''We decided to play it up. Jensen...he can't leave me anyway,'' He coughed and sputtered, embarrassed of his nature for the first time in his life ''You know how it works.''

Chad nodded, patting Jared's shoulder in a comforting gesture. He did know. Mated omegas had heats, once every two months. No one would sell Jared suppressants anymore, and birth control bills needed Jensen's approval.  Jared wouldn't be able to make it without Jensen.

Jared buried his face in his hands and sighed. ''We're not going to tell our parents the truth,'' he said through his fingers ''I don't want them to know.''

**

Jensen was released two days later and the doctors were reluctant to let him go but then he threw a fit and insisted on signing himself out. Jared went to pick him up. The drive to Jensen's home was filled with awkward silence. The memory of fluid conversations and shared laughter made Jared grit his teeth.

Jensen stared out of the window, the line of his jaw tense, like he was biting down as hard as Jared was and he'd rather be anywhere but here.

''Jensen?'' He hated how hesitant he sounded, but it wasn't a conversation he was looking forward to, even when he knew they should talk about it.

Jensen didn't turn to face him.''Yeah?''

''I don't mean to rush you or anything, but my landlord gave me till the end of the month to evacuate and that's eight days.''

Jensen turned then, blinked at him. His confused expression hardened into something Jared hadn't seen before and he nodded once before he went back to look out of the window.

Like he couldn't bring himself to look at Jared.

''I'll get you settled in. Eh...'' It was obvious Jensen had no idea where to put Jared, but mated omegas couldn’t live alone, and Jensen had to take him in. ''Which room do you want?''

The idea of sharing a bed with Jensen fleeting in the back of his mind. Ghost memory of warm touch and sandalwood smell. Now, Jensen and he were at least three feet apart, not touching. Never touching.

And he didn't know which one of them wanted the distance.

Jared glanced at his passenger, a stranger in the seat with shoulders held high; defensive. ''I'm okay with the guest room,''

What a wonderful mating they had.

Jared pressed down of the gas pedal.

**

The days prior to Jared moving felt like a countdown to his sentence. Sleep evaded him at night, and in the light of the morning Jared packed his life into boxes and piled them in the living room.

He didn't own the furniture. When he had rented the apartment, he didn't expect to stay so long. So one that came furnished felt like the better choice, despite his preference to decorate his living space with things that belonged to him.

He had often complained to Jensen, about how the place never felt like him. Never truly his with faint traces of others before him living here. They had joked about Jared moving in with Jensen and forcing him to finally buy dishes and silverware.

Now that he had to leave, it tugged at his heart a little bit. The freedom of having a living space for just him had always given him a comfort, a sense of control over his life. Leaving it felt like he was giving a part of himself up. 

He dragged himself around, legs fighting him every step as he moved to his bedroom. He left his clothes for last, not counting on how lazy he'd be. Jensen was renting a truck to move his stuff, and was going to be here any minute.

Jared frowned at the clothes on his bed, willing them to pack themselves up and save him the trouble.

The doorbell rang. Jared tensed as if on cue. He hadn't spoken with Jensen at all the past week, avoiding him and not returning his calls. This he couldn't get out of. He stalled as much as he could, walking to the door like he might die when it opened.

Jensen greeted him with a hesitant smile.

They stared at each other, Jensen's smile fell.

''Am I too early?''

Jared jumped to action, moving from Jensen's way. Jensen took three steps in, leaving some space between them.

''I was about to finish. Have a seat, please.''

Both of them grimaced at the misplaced politeness. Jensen should've bounced on the couch, called Jared a bad host for not offering him a beer. This is not how it was supposed to be.

''I emptied the fridge.'' Jared apologized. ''Gonna go...'' He let the sentence trail, pointing in the direction of his room.

He got back to folding clothes, but they kept slipping out of his fingers, his trembling hands and teary eyes making it hard for him to work. He angrily wiped away at his tears, shoving clothes without care into bags.

The hair on his nape stood on end, a shiver went down his spine. Jensen's scent made its way into his nose and he turned around. His eyes locked with Jensen's.

Jensen's eyes were dark as he stared through Jared. Standing in the doorway, with his face blank. He cocked his head to the side, and Jared heart's constricted. He'd never seen Jensen so empty.

''Do you need help with that?'' Jensen asked, still gazing into him.

''No,'' Jared bit out. Frustration was the worst emotion. The desire to scream babbled up in his chest and his eyes stung again. He didn't face Jensen but Jensen didn't leave. Stood there like an ominous statue. Eyes dead, and face hollow.

**

''You cleaned,'' Jared couldn't keep the surprise out of his voice as he stepped into Jensen's house.

As one would expect of a single alpha, Jensen's house was always messy. Not only didn't he ever clean, he was too territorial to allow people into his living space. The one time Jensen was forced to call a cleaning lady he had bitched about the trace of her smell in the house for a whole week. Jared always thought that the place smelled awful either way.

''I could actually see the coffee table's surface,'' Jared joked.

Jensen cleaned his throat ''I called someone.''

The lump that was permanently living in Jared's trachea made a reappearance, choked him up a little.

He'd been into Jensen's house numerous times, knew what to expect when he opened the door. Piles of used coffee cups, trash near the door. Sink full of take out plates, floor with beer bottles and cans. Jensen's clothes on every surface.

The place was sparkling. Spotless. The cleanness exposed the fact that the place was in fact empty.

Jensen had nothing but his couch, a coffee table and TV. The cupboards in his kitchen were all hollow, he never cooked. He only owned cups and wine glasses. And he used both of them to drink coffee because everything had to be dirty before Jensen would bother with washing the dishes.

Jensen was moving around him, carrying boxes to the room that would now be Jared's. Jared frowned down at his cast, at least it wasn’t a real break, even though at the time, it felt like it. Jared couldn’t wait to get another week over and be parted with the damn cast. He gave the place another once over before he followed Jensen outside.

 

**

The first day of shooting was tomorrow, and Jared couldn't sleep. Not like he expected a restful night after a week of not falling asleep until birds started chirping outside his window.

The nerves of having to announce his mating to Jensen was getting to him, and he turned over for the umpteenth time.

How would everyone react?

Kripke. He would go nuts, his two leads, who played brothers, were mated. Not married, but  _ mated _ . With a fucking  _ bite _ .

Everyone would look at them and judge. They'd whisper behind their hands, about Jensen being an asshole of an alpha, binding Jared to him like that. About Jared being a whiny omega who needed that kind of reassurance. About them being weird.

They lacked the newlywed vibe that told people they’d rather be fucking each other over being outside. They smelled like each other because of the bite, but they weren't in love, and Jared hadn't a clue how to act that with Jensen. Irony of his life.

He toyed with the idea of wearing a scarf then dismissed it. The makeup girls would have to deal with that, at some point.

The red numbers on his digital clock told him it was just past two in the morning. Jared flipped to his back, forced his breathing into a rhythm. Scratched at his nose, wiggled his toes. His skin felt too tight. He opened his eyes.

The time was still the same.

The childish urge to wake Jensen up rounded about in his head, and briefly, he smiled at the thought. He would've done it,  _ before _ .

Deciding that sleep was a lost cause, Jared made his way to the kitchen. The fridge was stocked, another habit that Jensen gained in the past week they lived together. Jensen never went grocery shopping.

He got out the ingredients he needed and set out to work. 2:37 AM wasn't the time for any meal, but it was better than getting shitfaced like he really wanted to because going drunk to the first day of shooting wouldn't get him any favours.

The coffee machine ding was followed by the sound of steps.

''Jared?''

Despite knowing Jensen was there he startled, hit his back on the counter in his haste to face him.  Jensen cussed under his breath.

''I'm sorry, I didn't mean to scare you.''

This seemed like how all their conversations started lately. Jared didn't answer, spent too much time hesitating before he gave his back to Jensen and resumed chopping the lettuce. Jensen shuffled in the background, then the feet of a chair dragged on the floor.

''What are you doing?''

''Cooking.''

''I can see that, but Jared. It's not even four yet.''

A pause.

''I couldn't sleep.'' Jared's shoulders slumped with the admission, feeling like he's confessing to a great sin.

Jensen didn't talk but he didn't leave either.

Jared poured each of them a cup of coffee and when it was done, placed the omelet and some salad in front of Jensen. Jensen stared at the empty space where Jared's plate should be and opened his mouth but then dropped it, ate his very early breakfast and sipped on his coffee.

****

Jared ended up wearing a scarf. The mating would be announced but he couldn't summon the energy to deal with the mess that would happen if he walked into the set with a bite on his neck. He was never going to be ready for the questions that would no doubt rain on them once they told everyone.

They greeted Clif and climbed into the car, settling in with so much space between them. Clif gave them a worried look but didn’t ask. He could no doubt smell their bond, but he kept his mouth shut and Jared was thankful for that.

From besides him, Jensen’s discontent was coming in waves. His eyes were glued to the scarf, a furrow between his brows. He lasted about five minutes before he asked Clif to stop the car and give them a moment. Again, Clif compiled without asking. 

''Jared, they're going to know either way,'' said Jensen. He pointed at Jared’s choice of fashion and arched a brow. ''If you didn't want to tell you should've said so sooner. We could've bought something to mask the smell.''

Jared gulped. He couldn't smell himself, but he knew. He smelt like Jensen.

''That's not it.'' They couldn't keep the secret, scarf or not. ''We didn't agree on what to do.''

In the one and only conversation they had about this, they decided to tell everyone that they've been together since mid season one and hadn't felt like sharing it until now.

''Jared-''

''I know, I know. I meant, how are we going to act in public? We don't exactly have the newlywed vibe!'' he snapped. 

Jensen's surprise was apparent. He must've been cooler about it, didn't give it as much thought as Jared. Jared had lost sleep over this.

How were they going to be? Where did they stand? Were they even friends anymore, or would this be the thing that wrecked them forever? Jared wouldn't be able to deal with it if he lost Jensen. He'd already lost so much in the span of two weeks. And Jensen. Jensen was-

''Jared! Jared breathe. It's okay,''

The air rushed back into his lungs and he choked on it, coughing and panting as he caught up with reality again. Jensen's terrified face was close to his, Jensen's hands on his arms.

He recoiled, pushing Jensen back.

Jensen flinched and jumped back, leaving as much distance between them as the small space inside the car allowed. Jensen's eyes shown with too much emotion, made something heavy dip in Jared's stomach. The apology crawled up his throat but he couldn't give it air so he swallowed it down.

''Sorry,'' Jensen rasped and turned his body forward, no longer looking at Jared.

He nodded at Jensen, knowing how unfair this all was. Jensen had nothing to be sorry for, Jared had no right to yell at him. They were both trembling in the too small car, not daring to lift their heads.

Silence settled over them. Jared's thoughts adding to his mounting panic.

For the first time in his life, he had no idea what to do.

''We'll have to sell it. Act like a real couple,'' Jared said, voice shaky. 

Jensen got out of the car, slammed the door. Jared squeezed his eyes shut. 

When Jensen got back in there was a ghost of smoke on him, but his face was blank and his hands were no longer fisted.

''How can we do that Jared?'' His tone betrayed not an ounce of the emotion that was overflowing a moment ago.

Jensen was asking the hard questions, and Jared heard the rest of what Jensen wasn’t saying out loud. How can we act like a couple if you won't let me touch you?

Jared hung his head between his shoulders, letting his bangs fall down and cover his eyes. He hated how close he was to tears, like a giant baby who couldn't do anything but cry.

He took a breath and turned his body on the seat, one leg folded under him. Moving slowly so Jensen could move away if he wanted, Jared caught Jensen's hand in his. He lifted it up and placed it on his cheek, let himself remember what it felt like to be touched by his friend before it all went to hell. Jensen's hand was big and warm, and it settled something in him.

''You can touch me,'' he breathed. ''I was just...startled is all.'' Jared dropped his hand, but Jensen didn't move his. He circled his arm around Jared's shoulders and pulled him in. Jensen's warmth and scent washed over Jared and his heart stopped and started again. A much calmer beat. He clung back to Jensen, buried his face in Jensen's neck and felt Jensen's arms tighten around him.

''It's okay, Jared,'' Jensen soothed. ''I'll do whatever you want.''

And that was another thing that Jensen wouldn't have said before.

**

Kripke took it much better than Jared had expected. He grinned so wide and shouted something about Kim Manners owing him forty bucks. He hugged them both, and gave them his promise that he would support whatever decision they made about making their mating public.

The easy acceptance of Kripke made Jared even more nervous than he was, and soon enough the whole cast caught the crazy and everyone was congratulating them.

During the whole fiasco, Jensen never left his side, a possessive hand on the small of Jared's back, and warning, narrowed eyes to anyone who lingered too long. He had the newly mated, territorial alpha act down to a T, and while Jared had always known Jensen as a ridiculously talented actor; he couldn't help but feel floored by how good Jensen actually was.

Jared's role was limited to blushing bright red and stuttering his thanks, and if he wanted to be completely honest he wasn't acting. He was humbled and grateful for the blind acceptance the crew offered them, even when it made him more uncomfortable for lying to them.

Soon enough Jared was called to the makeup room and had to part with Jensen. Jensen gave him a small smile, tiptoed and planted a quick kiss on Jared's cheek and everyone cooed at them.

**

Jared settled in his chair, took off his beanie. The girls were chattering in the background; he looked at them in the mirror and smiled.

''Jared, honey. That scarf ain't in the script,'' one of them joked. He smiled awkwardly, and removed it. To her credit, she didn't say anything but Jared could see her reflection.

Her green eyes almost bulged out of her head, and her brows shot up near her hair line in an expression of absolute terror. She placed her hands on the back of his chair and he felt her gripping hard. It took her awhile to get her professional mask back , and then she didn't talk anymore.

She did her usual work on his face, all the while avoiding eye contact. The air was awkward, Jared was used to joking and babbling during the time he spent here.

''All set,'' she announced. ''Now I'll leave you to Nicole, she's the one better at covering things up.''

Jared thanked her and she almost ran out of the trailer, surely to gossip about the bite mark. The light mood he was in since he got on the set vanished, and instead dread took over.

Nicole started by congratulating him, and didn't say a word about it. Jared didn't speak. He had nothing to say. 


	2. Chapter 2

''Cut!''

The director's voice was followed by bells ringing and shouts of crew members as they moved things around and readied for the next scene.

Jared heard ''That's a print'' and let out a breath. Filming had been an escape this past week. Fighting Sam's demons helped him ignore his own. Jensen walked to him with a gentle smile and opened arms as had been his custom of late. Jared's chest tightened, Jensen's arms around him soothing, and it made him feel guilty. Jensen planted a kiss on his cheek and whispered, ''You killed it baby.''

The cast tittered, another thing that was getting to be the norm. The director called lunch break. Jensen twined their hands and led them to the buffet, giving him pointers about the next scenes that were scheduled for the day. 

Jared didn't hear a word, all his focus was on the warmth of Jensen's hand holding his. Jensen's palm was sweaty, his fingers shorter but wider than Jared's. His voice was a calming timbre, his steps measured like he could walk so much faster but he had to accommodate Jared. Like Jared was holding him back. 

''You okay?'' Jensen's gentle query pulled him back from the dark direction his thoughts were heading.

''Yeah,'' he breathed.

Jensen lowered his head, tried to catch Jared's eyes but Jared turned away. He couldn't bear to look at Jensen. It was too much.

Because here on the set, it was all too easy to fall into the sweet lie of being newly mated. Jensen's hold on him, his hushed tone. The way he piled up food on Jared's plate. Jensen had always taken care of Jared, insisted he eat and rest and brought him towels when he sweated. Sat him down, brushed his hair back and smiled down at him.

This was almost like that.

Except for the sweet kisses on his forehead after the smile and the lingering fingers in his strands. The tender, long looks Jensen sent his way. The hugs after cuts, the hand holding. The fucking spoon feeding during lunch. That was all new.

Jensen's act was too good at times Jared found himself smiling and leaning closer, and kissing back when Jensen's lips caught his.

''You spaced out again,'' Jensen chided, but his fond smile gave away that he wasn't really upset. ''Here.'' He handed Jared the plate, all his favourite things dished up neatly, like he was trying to fatten him up.

''Jensen,'' he protested.

''No, baby. You're not eating well.''

Jared's chest flared. ''It’s only us here. Drop it.''

Jensen flinched. Closed his eyes for a bit. ''Jared, I mean it. You're losing weight, and you just removed your cast.’’

''I took the calcium pills,'' he snapped back. The plate clicked too hard on the table, and Jared furiously emptied half of its contents. He turned away and stomped to their new, joined trailer. Because the producers were generous like that.

He ended up alone for the whole break. Jensen came to get him when they were needed. He eyed the untouched food and turned sad eyes at Jared, shaking his head. He didn't press, and for that Jared was thankful.

Jensen offered his hand and Jared took it. They walked together to the next scene.

**

They wrapped the episode up the next night. Jared was so tired he thought he couldn't walk anymore. Jensen was just as exhausted, shuffling his feet next to Jared. He opened the door for him when they got to the car, and climbed in after him. Cliff acknowledged them with a nod, and started the car. 

This was the time of the day Jared dreaded the most. When all eyes left them, and they didn't have anyone to perform for. Jensen would sit with two feet between them, and look out of the window and wouldn't speak.

The house was dark, loomed like a bad omen at the end of the road. Cliff wished them a good night.

Jensen's living room was still empty. Nothing but the couch and the coffee table. All the clean space made the place look lonely.

He followed Jensen to the kitchen, the only room that was full. Jared knew the cupboards had nothing in them, but if he didn't open any doors, he wouldn't see the hollowness.

Jensen pulled two chairs and sat on the one facing the door. Jared took the other. This was going to be their first conversation out of set in over three days.

''So I,'' Jensen started. He threaded his fingers together on the table, and stared at them like everything that went wrong in the world happened because of these hands. Jensen shared that with Dean. A deep sense of duty, taking the blame. Both of them thought of the whole world as their responsibility, as if it being broken was their fault. Jared knew Jensen's world was considerably smaller than Dean's, but the guilt wasn't any easier on him to witness than it was on Sam.

''Don't you think it's time for us to go to Texas?'' 

Try as he might, he couldn't ignore it forever. Sooner or later, his mama would call and he'd have to visit. She would take one look at him and know, and he'd get hell for not telling her and no explaining would suffice. He was in enough trouble as it was, going with the story he and Jensen chose.

He was never good at lying to his mama, and she'd asked him about Jensen before and he'd said  _ Me and Jensen? No way! _

And here they were.

''I don't want to go,'' he said.

''Jared.'' His name was a released breath. ''You have to tell them at some point.''

He slammed his palms on the table, chair falling back. He leaned across the table, bared his teeth '' _ I  _ do? What about you, Jensen? You're not planning to tell your mama about me?''

''I already told my mom.''

Jared's side vision blacked out for a second, then Jensen was beside him, supporting his weight.

''You told your mom about me,'' Jared breathed. The fire in his chest was now freezing over, blue ice in his heart's stead. Jensen didn't tell him about it, and why would he. Not like they talked anymore.

''She had to know her son mated.''

'' _ Mated _ ?'' Jared hissed, heat bursting inside once more. Jensen jolted but Jared couldn't stop. ''Is this what you're calling this now?  _ Mating _ ?''

''Jared, that's not what I meant, the point-''

'' _ The point is _ ,'' Jared repeated, venom dripping from each word, ''this is a  _ lie _ , and you have no shame broadcasting it.  _ The point is _ ,'' Jensen's eyes glassed over, and none of this was his fault, he was just as hurt, maybe even more and Jared knew that. '' _ Neither _ of us asked for this. The point is,'' his eyes watered, heart and blood aflame and he was on fire inside, and he couldn't put it out, ''we're going to play pretend with our families too.''

‘’I don’t know what to do anymore! Sweeping everything under the rug was your idea!’’ Jensen shouted. Jared flinched, took a step back. 

‘’Are you saying this is my fault?’’

''No! That’s not it. Jared, I’m really trying here, and I'm sorry,'' Jensen said, defeated. ''I'm sorry this isn't what you want-''

'' _ We _ . Jensen. We. This isn’t what  _ we _ want.''

The pain on Jensen's face was too hard a reality check for Jared to stay. He stormed out of the kitchen, Jensen's steps following behind. He ran into his room and slammed the door.

Jensen’s shadow under the door told Jared he was shifting from side to side. Jared turned around, leaned his back against the door with the first knock.

''Jay? Come on, Jared. Please.''

This wasn't what he wanted. Not how this was supposed to go.

''We don't have to tell them now, Jared. We don't have to.'' Jensen's desperation almost as loud as the sound of Jared's heart's pieces, breaking, falling, hitting the ground.

''I'm sorry, Jared.'' Jensen's words were muffled and Jared closed his eyes, imagined Jensen's forehead resting on the other side of the door. It should be resting on his neck without the wood between them, Jensen’s voice right in his ear.

There was more than wood between them and for that, Jared was sorry. He didn't know how to say it. Instead, he slid down, ass hitting the ground. Knees folded, and he buried his face there. Jensen knocked again. Some sounds later, the knock came closer to his level. Jensen must be sitting like Jared was.

''We can do it your way, Jay. I promise, whatever you want.''

Jared cried without sound.

Jensen didn't leave.

**

When he woke up he was in his bed, with vague memory of dragging himself under the covers sometime in the night. His eyes had  dried up, his throat was scratchy, like he had razors for dinner. He swallowed, blinked. Didn't feel better.

He got up and stretched.  Pulled the curtains, and cracked a window. The grey light and the cold breeze told him it was too early to be up, clock confirmed with a glowing red 4:51 AM. 

He got to the bathroom, thankful for the millionth time that his room had a small bathroom. He relieved himself, brushed his teeth, took a quick shower. Felt more human when he was in clean grey t-shirt and baggy sweatpants.

His stomach growled and he grimaced. Despite the hunger, he didn't feel like eating. Maybe cook something light. Another look at the clock, only half an hour since he woke up.

Opening the door was a mindless act, but the sight made his throat clog up. His eyes stung again as he took in Jensen. Curled on the ground, knees pulled towards his chest, facing Jared's door still.

He wished he hadn't woken up, hadn't opened the damn door. Tears fell again, and he sniffled pitifully. Jensen jumped to his feet.

''Jared, hey. No, no, don't cry. It's okay.'' It wasn't okay, nothing was. But Jared was selfish enough to hide his tears in Jensen's shoulder, to claw his back and gasp into his shirt and breath his smell. Jensen was stuck, and it wasn't enough that he was forced into a mating that he didn't want, he had to be the strong one because Jared was too weak to do it. Too pathetic to lean on. Too clingy to let go.

He didn't think he could ever let go of Jensen.

**

Despite feeling drained, Jared dragged himself to the kitchen and made waffles. They had everything for him to make them from scratch, and they were the only thing other than omelets that he knew how to cook. He was arranging the plates on the table when Jensen finished his shower.

Jared gathered his courage as they sat in silence. While Jensen ate, he pushed his food around the plate.

''I want to tell mama,'' he said.

Jensen's fork clicked on the glass on a high note, he took a deep breath and looked up at Jared. ''Yeah?''

''Just. Not now? I mean, I want to call her about it, maybe promise to visit next weekend.''

He could omit a lot more on the phone, give himself time to accept the idea of lying to his parents about something so huge. It had felt easier back then, when he'd been seated beside Jensen's hospital bed and begging him to just play it up. Not pressing charges, never telling anyone.

It was the easier choice than stepping out there and dealing with the shit storm that would've come from this story getting out, but it wasn't easy.

''Okay,'' Jensen conceded.

**

_ ''You've got married without telling us?'' _ his mother exclaimed, her high pitched tone forcing him to distance the phone from his ear.

''Mated, Mama.'' he corrected softly.

_ ''What you mean knotted and decided to marry?'' _ she sounded less freaked out, but upset that she was just now hearing about this.

''No, Mama.  _ Mated _ .'' he emphasized. The other end went silent as his mother connected the dots.

_ ''He bit you!'' _ she shrieked, horror so apparent in her tone that Jared winced.  _ ''Baby, why would you do that? Did he force you into it?'' _

''No! No, mama, Jensen isn't like that, you know he isn't.''

This was why he didn't want to tell anyone about the truth. No matter how explained, a lot of people would still mark Jensen as guilty. Just because he was alpha. Jared didn't want that, not with how good Jensen was to him. He didn't want pity, or protection.

_ ''But Jared, that's obvi-'' _

''Can it be my choice too? Am I that much of a doormat that him forcing me into this is the first think you ask?'' he huffed out a breath, familiar anger bursting in his chest.

_ ''No, honey. That's not what I meant. I was only concerned for-'' _

He cut her off again. ''I'm not a kid anymore, so don't be.'' He closed the phone and griped it tight, just barely refraining from smashing it onto the ground. His jaw ached from how hard he was gritting his teeth, and he loathed the fact that his eyes were stinging again.

Pathetic. That was what he was.

**

The pending disaster that was meeting their family kept on getting worse, and they weren't even there.

During the next week, Jared couldn't push it to the back of his mind no matter how hard he tried. Being in Sam's skin helped, the tension Sam was living in made him forget his own problems if only for the fourteen hours they were on set, but his problems didn't disappear magically just because he was ignoring them.

After the horrible way he handled telling his mother on the phone, he was dreading the talk in person more and more with every passing hour. He slept near four hours a night, and even those were restless.

The last day that week made him physically ill. His stomach was unsettled and he couldn't bring himself to eat even the few bites he forced on himself usually. Sweating twice as much as he was used to, and getting ten times as many worried glances from Jensen.

All in all his week sucked.

It couldn't get worse.

**

''Jensen, please tell me you're kidding,'' Jared pleaded.

Jensen shook his head and gave him an apologetic look.

Jared rubbed at his face, passed his fingers through his hair. Jared told his family that he and Jensen were coming to visit during the weekend, so Jared's mother took the liberty to turn it into a family gathering of sorts, inviting the Ackles as part of the family. Jared didn't want it to go like that, he wanted more time between facing his own family and Jensen's.

''Are you okay with this?''

Jensen shrugged. ''Not exactly how I wanted it to go, to be honest. I wanted  more time between the visits but,'' he scratched behind his ear, then frowned in that way Jared couldn't help but think of as adorable with this pouty lips, and scrunched up nose, ''but guess it's better doing it once, get it out of the way?''

Jared could see the logic behind that, even if he wasn't joyous about it. ''Yeah.''

''They'd wanna do it for the holidays anyway,'' Jensen went on, ''if I know my mom, she's already planning Christmas.'' He grinned at Jared and Jared realized that this was the first time Jensen had grinned at him like before. Like they were best friend joking about their families' antics. Jared felt a pang in his chest, aching for simpler times where he would joke back. He had no idea what to say, so he smiled at Jensen. His lack of response dimmed Jensen's grin and he  ducked his head.

**

The weekend came sooner than Jared wanted, and they spent Friday night packing up.

Jared wore a scarf the next day, didn't remove it even when they settled in their seats on airplane. It had to be his imagination, but he could feel the bite mark pulsing on his neck. It made him queasy with nerves. His mother's reaction was to blame Jensen, and he wasn't looking forward to see what his father thought. Or worse, what Jeff would think.

What scared him the most however was Donna. It wasn't a secret that Donna was an old fashioned Beta, who despite being sweet to Jared had never wanted him for her son. She had strong opinions that Jared often cringed at when it came to what was expected of an Omega mate. He had no illusions that she would approve of him, he knew she wouldn't. For one, she was of the mind that a working Omega wouldn't make a good mate. She also made it clear, more than once, that a female Omega was what she wanted for Jensen.

A part of Jared knew that Jensen shared that last bit with his mother, despite disagreeing  fervently with her prejudiced views. Jensen's previous partners had all shared the same characteristics. Female, petite and very submissive.  And Jared wasn't any of that. No one who knew Jensen would buy that he willingly shackled himself to an Omega like Jared.

Jensen's family would think that Jared had insisted on the bite because he was insecure and clingy and he couldn’t blame them for it. If he and Jensen really were a couple, Jensen wouldn't be the one desperate to keep them together.

He glanced at Jensen, fast asleep beside him, head resting on the back of the seat, and mouth open.  A small smile appeared on his lips, affection tugging at his heart. He sighed and lowered himself, hesitating only a bit before leaning against Jensen. His temple connected with Jensen's shoulder and he inhaled sharply. The touch jolting him. He stayed tense for a few seconds, while Jensen remained asleep, and then relaxed and closed his eyes.

**

Jeff was waiting for them in the airport, the big smile on his face faker than Jensen's last girlfriend. Jared winced and glanced at Jensen. Jensen for his part appeared unconcerned. A small, welcoming smile on his face as he took Jared's bag from his hand without looking and hung the strap over his shoulder. Jensen then laced their fingers together, and walked towards Jeff.

''Hey, man,'' Jeff greeted, his eyes darting between them for a few awkward seconds before Jared stepped close and hugged him. Jeff let out a relieved breath and hugged him back like he was never getting the chance again.

Jeff stared at Jared closely, hands on the upper of his arms, and then it clicked. His mom must've told Jeff about the bite and about her ridiculous theory of Jensen forcing him into it. Anger bubbled in his chest and his nostrils flared. He opened his mouth to give his brother a piece of his mind but Jensen's voice stopped him.

''Jeff, it's good to see you.'' He offered his hand and Jeff shook it reluctantly. 

Jensen opened the passenger door for Jared, then climbed in the back, he remained silent the whole drive as Jared and Jeff caught up. Jared stole glances of him in the side mirror all the way to his parents’ house.

The car wasn't parked yet when the front door opened and Megan ran out of it, the sound of laughter following her. Mackenzie and Donna walked behind her, slight smiles on their faces, followed by Jared's mom and dad.

As soon as Jared stepped a foot outside of the car, his mother pulled him into a hug that was very similar to the one he shared with his brother and then his sister and dad did the same. He imagined his mom getting worked up and weaving horrible scenarios of how Jensen would lock him up and never allow him out again. He had to hold back a laugh. How could anyone think of Jensen as anything but the sweet man he was, Jared had no idea.

Jensen shared less enthusiastic greetings with his family, and Jared caught Donna's disapproving expression as she whispered something that had Jensen's face contracting in anger.

So it begun.

They unpacked in Jared's room, sharing a charged silence. Jensen's movements were jerky, his grip on things too hard. He was intensely gazing at the clothes as he put them in the closet, brows furrowed and mouth in a thin line. His muscles looked like rocks from how rigidly he was holding himself.

''You okay?''

Jensen stopped and spun to face Jared. One step and he was in his face, face twisted in anger, teeth bared in a soundless snarl. For a second Jared could see it, the loathing on Jensen's face, and his insides shrank. Jensen took another step and Jared took one back. Jensen raised his hand and Jared flinched, eyes closing and arms coming to cover his face.

Jensen hissed out a curse, but when he spoke next, his voice was a quieter ramble. ''No wonder they all think of me as the evil dragon.''

Jared opened his eyes to see Jensen slump down on the bed, tension held in every inch of his body despite the long breath leaving him.

''Jensen?''

''You don't know you're doing it, but Jared. You jump every time I come near you.'' Jensen rubbed at his face with his hands, then cupped the back of his head with them. ''You react like my touch will cause you pain. Like I...'' Jensen trailed off,  pained expression on his face betraying his thoughts. He was thinking of that night, Jared was sure of it. Jensen was reliving that nightmare, and blaming himself. Believing that he deserved what Jared's family assumed, how Jared recoiled.

Jared hadn't realized he did that, but he knew why and it wasn't because he was afraid of Jensen. Perhaps the thing that he was most confused about was that despite of all the feelings and emotions he had about Jensen, some fucked up and unfair, he was never scared. Even now when he held his arms in front of his face, he didn't think Jensen would hurt him.

He understood how that might've looked different to Jensen.

Jensen was hiding behind his hands, and Jared's heart squeezed. He sat on his haunches in front of Jensen; his hands trembled as he moved them. He closed his eyes when his fingers wrapped around Jensen's wrists, his breath hitching a bit in his chest at the skin contact like it always did when he touched Jensen recently. He tugged but Jensen didn't give, refused to face him.

''Look at me, Jen.'' Perhaps the familiar nickname that Jared didn’t dare to use recently was what caused Jensen to allow his hands to be moved. His eyes were glazed and it hurt to look into them. This close, they were greener than Jared's ever seen them, flecks of gold in them near the pupil. Jensen had a big freckle on the side of his nose, right where his eye began and Jared was just now seeing - he'd never looked from this short a distance before - that it was a small constellation and not just one. 

''I'm not scared of you, Jen.'' Jensen open his mouth and Jared hurried to add, ''I swear I'm not. Listen?'' Jensen nodded. ''It's just been different, you know? I don’t mean the whole...thing but the...'' His face heated and he lowered his head. ''the touching. It feels different. Like, like being electrified,'' he finished lamely, burning with embarrassment.

Jensen lifted his hands, looked at Jared closely. Jared stared right back. Slowly like he was worried Jared would bolt, Jensen placed his palms on Jared's cheeks. The jolt of emotion the simple touch evoked in Jared had him jump in place, his heart beating erratically, and his face getting hotter. Jensen examined him, slid one hand through Jared's hair then settled it on the side of his neck.. His thumb brushed over the vein, sensing the frantic beating.

''Your heart is beating overtime,'' Jensen whispered.

'' 'm just nervous,'' Jared breathed.

''Why?''

''I don't know.''

Jensen inched his face closer and Jared could feel his warm breath, could smell him. His hands moved on their own, clinging to Jensen's wrists again. The skin beneath his own was hot and rough.

''Jensen--''

A knock on the door had them both jumping back. Jared got up and Jensen turned to the other side as Jared opened the door; feeling weirdly disappointed despite having no idea what they were doing. 

They were being called for dinner.

**

Jared had more than his fair share of awkward gatherings  from Thanksgiving dinners with hated family members, to parties in LA where his manger forced him to socialize, but nothing was more nerve wracking than this.

Jared's father was on one end of the table, his mother on the right, and Megan by her side. On his left Jeff and his wife, and then Jensen's sister Mack. Alan was seated on the other end of the table, his wife beside him, then Jensen and Jared. Nothing in the dining room but the clicking of silverware on glass and the sliding of plates on the wood. Donna and Mack kept sneaking looks at him, then at each other. He felt like he was the subject of a silent conversation that was going on and he didn't like it one bit.

''So, how's filming, boys?'' Alan, bless him, started with a neutral subject. Jared answered with a simple okay, and Jensen talked more about details, moving from complaining about exhausting hours to telling funny stories that happened on the set. Everybody was laughing and the mood lightened up. Jared's mom poured them another round of wine as Jensen was making an impression of Kripke's angry face.

''How come you never told us about being together before?'' Jeff asked out of nowhere. Jared's eyes snapped to him, shooting daggers. Jeff avoided eye contact and the suffocating atmosphere settled back over them.

All eyes gazed at him and Jensen, and Jared swallowed and turned to Jensen.  Jensen's eyes were on Jeff, his smile fake.

''We agreed that we weren't ready for our relationship to be scrutinized. It was fairly new, and we weren't sure about where we were going with it,''

Jared gave him a small smile and Jensen smiled back, covered his hand on the table.

''Yes, in the beginning but you've been together for over a year, and you still didn't say,'' Jeff pressured.

''We believe,'' Jared started, a bit of anger seeping into his tone, ''that it's our business and our choice. We don't owe you any details about our pers-''

Jensen squeezed his hand gently, and Jared realized that he was being rude. He's never been the one for scalding retorts. What he said was the truth, but he could have worded it better, used a gentler tone.

''Excuse me.'' He left his napkin on the table and stood up. His mother’s expression was annoyed and she wouldn't look at him. Jensen glanced down at Jared's still full plate then up at him.

''Baby,'' he whispered, head tilting in the direction of the food. Jared wasn't feeling hungry. He shook his head at Jensen and walked away, ignoring the chatter from the table and the questions raining down on Jensen.

He hid in the kitchen for a while before a knock had him turning around. Jensen's fingers were curled near the open door.

''You okay?''

''Yeah. Yeah, thank you for stopping that, I was being rude.'' 

''Jared,'' Jensen sighed, made his way inside the kitchen. ''Jeff was being...eh pushy,''

''An ass you mean.''

Jensen smirked for a second before his face went back to being somber ''Jared.''

''Yes I know, I was still rude.''

''No, that's not what I--'' Jensen glanced at the ground than back up, like he was bracing himself or considering his next words ''You didn't finish your food, and your mom is a bit upset. Come back to the table?''

''I'm not hungry,'' he mumbled petulantly. Jensen walked to him and took both Jared's hands in his.

''Please? You didn't eat since before we got on the plane.''

He looked down at their held hands, then at Jensen. Jensen gave him an encouraging smile. ''Okay?''

Jared nodded.

A shadow flashed, hid behind the wall and Jared shook his head.

''What?''

Jared leaned in, his mouth near Jensen's ear. ''Mama followed you, guess she was worried.'' Jensen made to turn his face and Jared stopped him. ''Don't look at her, you idiot.''

Jensen's shoulder shook in a silent laugh and Jared grinned. Jensen let go of his other hand, threaded his fingers in Jared's hair and pulled him closer. Jared's hand was still cupping Jensen's jaw, their breaths mingling together.

''Since she's here, let's give her what she came to see.'' Jensen whispered, barely audible. Jared felt himself nod before Jensen's lips were on his. He gasped at the contact, and Jensen pressed closer. One hand making its way down Jared's body, settling on his hip.

Jared hummed into the gentle kiss. Jensen brushed and nipped with only lips, and Jared felt dizzy. They shared kisses before, for show, same as this one, but here he had the illusion of being alone. Sherry was the kind to give privacy, he was almost sure she'd left by now but as Jensen's tongue licked at the seam of his mouth Jared didn't care. He let his lips part, welcoming Jensen's tongue inside. Jensen licked every surface, moaning as Jared tangled their tongues together.

Jensen tasted like the wine he was drinking, sweet and heady. Under it all there was a hint of something like chocolate, a bit bitter but still the best thing Jared's ever taste. He wondered what he tasted like to Jensen, what got Jensen pulling at him even with them pressed as close as possible.

They broke apart only for Jensen to connect them again, one hand still nestled in Jared's hair, his arm wrapped around Jared's waist possessively, like he couldn’t bear any air between them. Jared felt like he was drowning, breathless and dazed. His knees were about to give out. His hand shot out, steadying himself on Jensen's shoulders, kissing back despite the need for oxygen burning in his lungs. 

Jensen pulled back. Jared kept his eyes closed for a bit before he blinked them open. Like he was drugged, his head heavy and limbs liquid. Almost sleepily, he smiled at Jensen and Jensen returned it, leaned in to plant a kiss below the line of Jared's jaw.

''Back to dinner?''

''Okay.''

 

The conversation steered away from their relationship after dinner, and for that Jared was thankful. Donna insisted they have lunch at the Ackles' the next day though, which worried him.

Jared's parents said they couldn't go, and Jeff's excuses came after. So he and Jensen were the only ones left and Jared couldn't think of a reason to refuse despite not wanting to go. He surrendered to his fate and smiled at Donna, informing her that they would be happy to be there.

Jeff left with his wife around nine, promising to come see them again before their flight the next evening.

He shook hands with Jensen and hugged Jared before he left, whispering in his ear:

''If you needed anything, anything at all, call me.''

Jared merely nodded, patted his brother on his shoulder blade and smiled when they pulled back.

Jared spent the next two hours fretting over their sleeping arrangements.

His old bedroom had one bed. Meaning he and Jensen had to share, and he couldn't really object or ask for an extra mattress, or a duvet. They were mated, and everyone expected them to share a bed, in fact Jared was positive no one but him was giving the matter thought. 

Jared's room looked the same as the last time he visited, yet it felt different. The bed was mocking Jared, and the longer he stared at it the more his frustration grew. Part of him wanted to be unreasonable, go and sleep on the couch in the living room. It was only fair for Jensen to have the bed. It was Jared’s idea to pretend and he couldn't force it on Jensen more that he already did.

Jensen stood at the door, eyeing the bed critically. He glanced at Jared and cocked his head to the side and Jared nodded. Jensen stepped into the room.

''I'll take the floor,'' Jensen offered, pointing at the place near the closet. Jared grimaced.

''I don't mind sharing, but I won't insist if you don't want to.''

Jensen locked their eyes, and Jared tried not to shy away from his piercing gaze.

''If you're sure,'' Jensen said at last.

They took turns to the bathroom. Jared was first.

He settled in the bed with his back to the bathroom, anxiety thrumming in his stomach. He listened to Jensen's movements in the bathroom, the sound of the toilet being shut, the water from the sink as Jensen washed his hands and started brushing his teeth. The creak of the door sounded then Jensen's feet on the floor. Jared braced himself, held his body in a rigid arch.

The covers were lifted and the bed dipped under Jensen's wait as he took his place beside Jared. Jared glanced over his shoulders, taking in the tense lines of Jensen's back. He went back to staring at the wall in front of him. 

The space between them didn't stop Jared from feeling Jensen's body like a line of heat parallel to his back, and he could hear Jensen's breaths, controlled and deep but not yet sleeping.

Jared lay awake between Jensen's heat and the wall, contemplating how instead of feeling trapped by Jensen's body, he felt safe. Whatever came through the door had to face Jensen first. He smiled at the silly notion, reminding himself that nothing was out there to get him, despite the character he played. The ridiculousness of it didn't stop warmth from filling him, and he closed his eyes to the ghost feel of Jensen's body behind him.

**

''Morning, Mama,'' Jared greeted her as he made his way to the kitchen. His mom startled but smiled at him.

''You're up early. I didn't even start breakfast yet!'' Surprised as she was, she seemed pleased to see him up.

''Yeah, I was thinking if you can teach me how to cook something other than omelets and waffles.'' He blushed and lowered his head. His mom stared at him with wide eyes.

She had tried to teach him before, when he left home and pursued his acting career. He refused to learn anything beside omelet and waffles, claiming that he'd be fine eating them every morning, and that breakfast was the only meal he needed to cook. Now that he was cooking for Jensen, he didn't want to feed him the same food every time.

''Look at you! Acting like a mated omega and wanting to take care of your alpha.'' Her eyes sparkled with warmth, a tender smile on her lips, and Jared was glad he didn't decide on telling her the truth after all. She didn't deserve to carry all that.

''Wash your hands and come here,'' she gushed. He complied and went to help with a smile.

**

It was a clear afternoon, apart from some scattered clouds here and there. Sun in the middle of the sky, beating down on Texas. Jared's sweat had nothing to do with the heat.

Jensen parked their rented car in front of the Ackles' house and Jared took in the small flower garden that Donna kept in perfect shape. It always felt unreal when he visited Jensen's family house. He'd seen a lot like it, in fact most of the houses in the street had a similar design, but Donna kept everything excessively clean. The front windows sparkled and behind them pristine white curtains. Flowers bloomed on every window, and the balcony of the living room upstairs was no exception. The paint of the house was as new as it had ever been, the wooden door and the handle spotless. It never failed to intimidate Jared, and made him feel sympathy for whoever married into this family, considering the standards Donna would no doubt hold them to.

He'd never expected himself in this picture as a part of the Ackles', and technically he wasn't. Jensen didn't marry him and give him the family name. Likely, he'd never do that. Donna would kill them both if Jensen tried anyway.

Jensen got out of the car and hurried to Jared's side, standing beside him as he climbed out. Jensen bounced on the back of his feet, offering Jared a hand and a nervous smile.

Jared took a breath and placed his hand in Jensen's.

''Hello! Come in, come in,'' Donna welcomed them, a big smile on her face. She hugged Jensen and nodded her head at Jared.

''I hope you don't mind I invited Josh. He wanted to see you,'' she told them as she lead them to the dining room. ''Sara came, too.''

Sara, Josh's wife, was a nice beta and the daughter of Donna's childhood friend. Jensen had told Jared two years ago that when Josh proposed to her, Donna wanted Jensen to marry her younger sister, a beautiful Omega named Danneel. Jared had never seen Danneel, even in pictures, but when he saw Sara, he would have to agree on the beautiful part.

''Of course we don't mind. I haven't seen Josh in ages,'' Jared said. Donna glanced at him over her shoulder, her smile thin.

In the dining room, Josh was seated while his wife was setting the table, placing empty plates in front of the chairs and arranging the silverware. Josh shot up from his seat with a bright grin on his face, clasping Jensen in hug.

''Congratulations, man!'' he said, patting Jensen on his back. He turned to Jared with the same happy smile on his face and squeezed him too. ''Can't think of a better mate for my little bro, hope you take care of him well.''

Out of everyone, even his family members, Josh was the only one who congratulated them and didn't ask questions. The only one who accepted what they had to say and seemed happy for them. Jared's eyes stung, and he held Josh back, trying to calm himself before pulling away.

''I will do my best,'' he promised. ''Thank you, Josh.''

Jensen stepped close and placed a hand on the small of his back, a small smile on his lips. The green of his eyes liquid warmth as he looked up at Jared. Jared leaned into him.

''Jared!'' Donna exclaimed. ''Help Sara get the dishes,''

Jared nodded and went to comply, but Jensen's hand on his waist held him in place ''You take a seat, baby. I'll go.'' Jensen pulled out a chair for him, kissed the crown of his head before walking to the kitchen. Donna's glare could've killed Jared on spot. She plastered her cheerful face back on and took the chair in front of his.

''In my time, kitchen's work was the omega's job, any mate worth their salt wouldn't let their alpha into the kitchen. I would die from embarrassment if Alan had to do my work for me.'' She placed a hand on her cheek as if she were blushing then shook her head.

''Mother,'' Josh warned.

''What? I was merely stating facts. Your wife doesn't let you do housework while she sits around, does she?''

As if on cue, Sara came holding a big tray in her hands. She arranged the dishes on the table and went back to bring the rest. 

''But then again, Sara doesn't work, like a proper mate. Her only concern is her house.''

Jared would never belittle an omega or a beta who forsake work to take care of their family. He knew that working inside the house was as hard as working for money and just as important. But the tone that Donna used, implying that any working omega was the anomaly made him grit his teeth. She was right in a way. A working omega wouldn't have the time to take care of their alpha or carry kids, and that was what every alpha wanted. He kept his head down as Donna went on about how her marriage started, and how she did her best for her family, and how her being a housewife was the backbone of this family.

Jensen and Sara entered with the last dishes, then Jensen took the seat beside Jared's. Jensen covered Jared's hand with his on the table, and leaned close to whisper in Jared's ear. ''You okay?''

Jared nodded.

Alan joined them a minute later, and they started eating. Jared noticed that Jensen was the only alpha who filled his plate, both Josh and Alan waiting for Sara and Donna to do that for him. His face burned as both ladies gave Jensen a pitying look when they noticed that he was filling his plate.

It wasn't something he did on purpose. He was simply used to Jensen taking care of him like that from the start. Ever since they'd known each other, Jensen was the one bringing food to him and insisting he eat it. He hadn't noticed it before, or perhaps he hadn't cared that Jensen was raised in a traditional family where an omega like him was valued by the way he took care of his alpha and nothing else.

He gave a weak smile to Jensen when he placed the now-full plate back in front of Jared, hating himself for embarrassing Jensen in front of his family.

The conversation turned to safer subjects for the rest of the meal, and Jared tuned it out. Donna didn't address him again and he was thankful. When everyone was done Sara got up and started cleaning up the table, and Jared hurried to help. This he could do. He carried the dishes back to the kitchen and helped rinse and dry them.

''Thank you,'' Sara said.

''Is there something else we should do?'' He decided it was best if he followed her lead.

''I don't think so. Let's get back.''

''Oh Jared! There you are,'' Donna said the moment he stepped into the living room ''Would you mind making us some tea?''

''Sure. Where do you keep your teabags?''

Donna's expression was something akin to a lion who’s got his prey right where he wanted it. She smiled at him in mock pity and shook her head.  He knew before she spoke that her next words that it would be another veiled insult.

''Honey, we don't use tea bags. Can't you boil it properly?''

He felt his face heating up because he had no idea how to do that. He realized that it was supposed to be a simple task, and in forcing him to admit that he couldn't perform it, she was humiliating him. All of it in front of Jensen, like she was trying to prove something to her son, to make him see that he chose wrong. Little did she know that Jensen wouldn't have chosen Jared. If it were up to Jensen, he would've brought her the traditional omega they both wanted.  

Jared lowered his head and opened his mouth, ready to tell her that he couldn't make tea. Jensen's voice stopped him.

''I'll do it.''

Before anyone could protest, Jensen stood up and marched out of the room.

''Excuse me,'' Donna said, then followed after Jensen.

Against his better judgement Jared did the same.

''Please, mother. Cut it out.'' Jensen sounded angry. Jared halted, pressing his back to the wall,  listening in to the conversation that wasn't meant for him. He knew it wasn't going to be pleasant but he was too curious to move.

''But Jensen, I can't understand. You  _ claimed _ him? Why? You've always been against that, saying that binding an omega to you was unfair to both of you.'' 

Jensen didn't answer, but Jared could hear him walking around. A cupboard opened then closed, and he could hear the click of cups against their plates then Jensen's steps again.

''And to him nonetheless!'' Donna went on. ''What happened about you and Danni?''

''There's no me and Danni, never was. It's something you wanted. Drop it.''

Jensen was getting riled up, his words clipped and dismissive.

''Okay. When do you plan on having kids?''

Donna's question had Jared slapping a hand over his mouth. His heart beat over time, and his breath came shorter.

''I filed up for birth control,'' came Jensen's calm response.

Jensen didn't tell him about that, but he supposed it went without saying that kids were out of question for them. Jared's eyes watered. Having kids now wasn’t in the plans. Jared knew he’d like to be older and more stable in his life before he thought about children. But he did want them at some point and the idea that Jensen never wanted to have them stung, it was made worse by how dismissive he was about it.

''Jensen!'' Donna sounded scandalized ''What happened to you? You've always wanted kids! Remember when you used to say you wanted six of them?''

''That was a long time ago.''

''Two years isn’t that long,'' Donna chided. ''Is this about Jared? Doesn't he want kids?''

''That's not it. It's just that with our schedules, it'd be hard to take care of a baby.''

''Yeah, about that. You're really okay with a working omega? He can't take care of you, Jensen.''

Jensen didn't answer, and Donna's sigh was loud enough for him to hear even from his spot outside of the kitchen.

''An alpha can have more than one mate, you know.''

Jensen's bark of a laughter was unexpected.

''You never quit, do you?''

''I can't help wanting the best for my son.''

''Can't he be the best?''

Donna didn't answer. Jared left.

When they flew to Vancouver later that afternoon, two things occupied Jared's mind, both of them he’d known but chose to ignore.

Jensen could get another mate. That was worrisome and a valid possibility considering their situation. He didn't even have solid ground to stand on if he wanted to refuse. Jensen was stuck with him, and their arrangement was all for Jared's benefit. If Jensen wanted someone he loved, Jared had no right to refuse.

The second thing was it had been three weeks since he had his last suppressant pill.

His heat was due soon.


	3. Chapter 3

Lauren Cohan was a beautiful beta, so beyond beautiful in fact that Jared hated her on spot. She didn't share Bela's horrible character, being charming and lovely in real life. Bela was fond of Dean, and Lauren? She stuck to Jensen worse than glue. He didn't remember being so annoyed at a co-star in his life.

He stared at as she laughed, or rather  _ fake _ laughed at Jensen's jokes, overly cheerful. Her hand on Jensen's forearm every chance she could get away with. She went as far as batting her eyelashes. Jensen was mated, dammit. Okay, force mated, but she  _ didn't _ know that.

Fuming, Jared narrowed his eyes as she yet again, placed her hand on Jensen's shoulder, leaning in closer than socially acceptable for an alpha and a beta. A  _ mated _ alpha. What was wrong with people?

Jensen didn't mind her attention, showing her around and spending his time between scenes with her. Usually Jared didn't mind Jensen hanging around with co-stars, but ever since their visit home, he didn't feel right. The fact that Jensen started disappearing twice a week to god knows where did nothing to ease his mind.

He was unsettled, anxious. And looking at pretty little Lauren with her perfect pearly teeth and flirty smile, sitting almost in Jensen's lap wasn't helping any.

Jensen could take another mate.

_ Not her _ . Jared's mind protested.

Jared had just finished a scene, and normally Jensen would be there behind the camera. He would hug Jared and kiss his cheek and congratulate him on a job well done. All for show, of course, but still. Jensen stopping that now felt like he didn't want  _ her _ to see them like that. She knew they were mated; she saw the bite. Jensen just didn't want to remind her.

''Stellar work, Jared,'' one of the camera men shouted at him. Jared nodded without looking, eyes on Jensen. Jensen with his big smile and the laugh lines around his eyes. It'd been so long since he directed that happy grin Jared's way.

With big, determined steps Jared was behind Jensen. He wrapped his arms around Jensen's shoulders and kissed his cheek, rounding him and dropping himself onto Jensen's lap. Jensen seemed surprised but he smiled nonetheless.

''Hey,'' Jensen said, sounding breathless.

''Missed you,'' Jared answered. He made sure Lauren was looking before locking his lips with Jensen's, kissing him hard. Jensen didn't miss a beat, his fingers holding on in Jared's hair and dragging him closer.

They broke with an audible wet sound and Jensen settled his arms in a loose circle around Jared's waist, rested his chin on Jared's shoulder. ''Hi Lauren, didn't see you there. Hope I didn't interrupt anything.''  

He was proud at how genuine he sounded, and internally scoffed at himself. He was an actor - of course he sounded genuine.

''Hey Jared,'' she smiled, a bit less bright than she did when it was only Jensen in front of her. Jared fought the smug expression that wanted to break on his face. Before she could say anything else, he turned around and kissed Jensen again. Jared didn't allow the kiss to end, leaning in for another taste after each one. Jensen didn't pull away, only tightened his arms around Jared, and Jared clung to Jensen's neck. He didn't know when Lauren left, too lost in the way Jensen's tongue moved along his own.

''Jared?'' Jensen asked when they finally stopped kissing.

He didn't know what to say, so he hid his face in Jensen's neck, smelling his musky sent through Dean's wardrobe dust. Jensen's hand made its way to his hair, fingers gently combing through it. Jensen didn't ask again.

Lauren stopped flirting after that.

 

**

Jensen had a couple more scenes then they were done for the night. Jared was feeling under the weather since he woke up, dizzy and sweating buckets. His bones were quivering and he was hot. He should get home and sleep early, the shooting was likely to take a few more hours and he didn't need to stick around for them.

''Jen!'' he called. Jensen held a hand to the makeup girl who was fussing over him in a ''be right back'' motion then walked to Jared.

''You okay?''

''Yeah, a bit tired. I'm going home, wanna sleep.''

Jensen nodded. ''Probably a good idea, you looked exhausted even before we left home this morning.'' Jensen brushed his hair back, hand cupping Jared's face and thumb swept over his cheekbone. ''Your face is hot.''

Jared let his lids fall closed at the gentle touch, Jensen's finger caressing his face. He felt a feather light kiss on his lips and opened his eyes. Jensen's concern was written all over his face ''I'll be back soon as I can, call me if you needed anything.''

''Okay,'' Jared whispered.

A brief kiss, and Jared walked to the car with Cliff at his heels.

**

His condition went down from there. His temperature climbed higher, and the sweating stopped but he felt like he was choking.  His skin was clammy, his vision blurring. He kept getting hotter, like there was a fire inside him trying to get out and burn his skin in its wake. An ache formed in his belly and lower back.

It accelerated, the worse he got, the faster he declined until everything hurt and his bones thrummed. He dragged in a breath after shallow breath, the air in the room humid and hot, doing nothing to soothe him. The achy feeling shifted, until he felt it between his legs. His hole throbbed.

Realization dawned on him.

He was going into a heat. He had the worse timing too. Jensen would be exhausted when he got home and Jared...

He had to act and quick. Lowering his temperature. He needed to get it back to normal, or as close to the baseline as he could, else he would go crazy.

The bathroom in his room didn't have a tub, leaving the one in Jensen's as his choice. He turned the water to cold and stripped down, articles of clothes hitting the tiles one after one. He hissed as his hot skin made contact with icy water, but he forced himself to take it. Lowering himself slowly into the frigid water.

He started shivering a few minutes later, but he didn't leave. The water kept his mind off of the fact that his asshole was leaking. His head swam so he rested it on the edge of the tub, taking in the fuzzy ceiling. His eyes fell closed without his consent, darkness seeping in from the corners of his eyes until it settled over everything.

The next time he was conscious again, he heard the door being shut then Jensen's voice calling for him, he tried to answer but all he managed to get out was a pathetic whimper. His body was too heavy, his limbs disobeyed his will to move. Jensen's calls grew frantic and near, then his bare feet sounded on the tiles.

Jared turned his head towards Jensen but didn't see anything beyond swirls of colours.

''Fuck! Jared, are you okay?''

Jensen's scent washed over him as strong arms snaked below his shoulders and knees. Jensen grunted under Jared's weight but held fast, taking Jared into his arms. Water splashed and poured over the edge of the tub as Jensen lifted Jared out, getting himself wet in the process.

''Stay with me Jared. Damn it, damn it all Jared you should've called me. You're in heat!''

Jared couldn't say anything and Jensen proceeded into full freak-out mood. He carried Jared out of the bathroom and placed him on the bed, hurriedly drying him off with towels.

''Jared? God, please say something,''

The desperation in Jensen's plea made him push himself harder. A broken sound got out of his throat, followed by a slurred ''Jensen.''

''I'm here, I'm here. What do I do?''

Jared didn't know, everything hurt and he couldn't speak or see clearly. Jensen's hands on his skin felt like a balm, and he sighed as Jensen petted him gently. His hair and his arms, the rough skin on Jensen's palm catching on the smoothness of Jared's own skin.

Jensen's closeness and his scent calmed him, the flashes of pain lessened to something bearable. He moved closer, arms extended seeking more contact.

''Jensen.'' His voice was still raspy but clearer. ''Hold me.'' In the back of his mind he knew that such request would have him a blushing mess normally, but now he couldn't care less. The sweet haze of Jensen's musk and his warmth quelled the rattling in Jared's bones and soothed the empty feeling in his chest. Jensen complied, arms coming around Jared and hugging him. Jensen's clothes scratched him, he whined and tugged at the shirt, silently demanding Jensen to get naked.

''Shhh okay, it's okay,'' Jensen cooed and detangled himself from Jared. Jared let out another whine at the loss of contact but soon Jensen came back, and this time there were no barriers between them.  Jared curled against Jensen's chest, gulping breaths of his fragrance and listening to his heart. The dizziness subsided and gave way to burning need in his loins. He moved one of his legs and blushed at the wet squishy sound, registering that the upper of his thighs were drenched with his natural slick.

Now that he was calm, he knew that the first wave ended, and that in fifteen minutes a worse, longer one would hit. He couldn't imagine how much the next one would hurt, but he was clear headed enough to think about what was happening. The ache was far away, but lust made itself known, his cock hard as a rock and his hole clenching on air.

''Jared?'' Jensen's voice was shot to hell, like he was drinking whiskey all night. Jared pulled back and gave him what he hoped was a reassuring smile. Jensen let out a breath, and cupped the back of Jared's head, drawing him closer so his nose was on Jensen's neck where his scent was the strongest.

''Thank you,'' Jared breathed and Jensen held him tighter. Another gush of slick slid down Jared's thigh, and his belly started aching again ''Jensen, I...''

He couldn't bring himself to ask this of Jensen. Too much. It was all too much. He shivered as Jensen's fingers trailed up and down his spine, settling on his hip.

''Whatever you need, Jay. Just tell me. I swear I won't do anything if it's not what you want but please--'' Jensen gave him a feather-light kiss on his temple. ''--let me help you. I can't watch you hurting, I can't.'' Jared felt Jensen's lashes as his lids dropped. An omega's heat would start the alpha's rut, so this closeness was affecting Jensen badly, and if they didn't do anything then asking Jensen to stay and hold him would be torture.  

They should've talked about this more, worked it out before it started. Jared was growing hazy again, and his body started to ache. He wasn't going to stay lucid for long, and he had to make this decision with his head clear. For both of their sakes.

''Help me.'' He couldn't phrase his request any other way because that what it was. Jensen helping him. And it didn't matter that a part of Jared wanted Jensen just for him, and not for the relief he was offering. 

Jensen smiled at him, his fingers gentle as they pushed Jared's hair back. He leaned down and planted a soft kiss on Jared's sweaty forehead, and Jared closed his eyes, heart swelling with emotion.

Jensen supported himself on one elbow and looked down at Jared, then with slow, deliberate movements like he was giving Jared time to adjust, he rolled so he was on top of Jared. Jared settled on his back, stomach in nervous knots.

The kiss was sweeter than he expected. Exploring, careful swipes of tongue as Jensen licked his mouth open, like he wanted to savour the taste.  Jared's hands hovered over Jensen's back, unsure of how much he was allowed.

''You can touch me, Jared.'' Jensen slurred into his mouth and Jared complied, fingers digging into Jensen's shoulder blades. Jensen's answering grown encouraging him to do more, slide his hands down Jensen's muscular back, then up again until he fisted them in the shorts strands of Jensen's hair. Jensen took his mouth in another kiss, this one carrying more heat than any kiss Jared remembered, searing the feel of Jensen's lips against his, wiping everything else until Jared couldn't remember ever being kissed by anyone who wasn't Jensen.

He gasped, momentarily breaking the kiss before Jensen connected their mouths again, tongue hot and wet as it traced the insides of Jared's mouth, sweeping over his teeth and palate, and tangling with his own.

His heat was both soothed and spiked at the same time, and Jared moaned, hips canting up against Jensen. The hot bulge in Jensen's boxers made his own cock harder than it already was, and his hole produced more slick and it seeped into the sheets bellow him.

He was a mess and they didn't do anything yet, feeling half fucked out with only the way Jensen moved above him. cocks dragging against each other with nothing but the thin cotton of Jensen's underwear between them, precome mixing through the soft material and it was such a delicious feeling.

Jensen latched his mouth to Jared's pulse, sucking at it like it was his only sustenance, like he couldn't help himself. Blood throbbed under Jared's skin, pain mixing with pleasure clouding his head and blurring his vision. Jensen's lips trailing down the line of his jaw, down to his neck then collarbone, where Jensen scraped his teeth.

Jared's nipples perked and Jensen lavished them with attention, alternating between licking and sucking, pinching the one that wasn't in his mouth with his fingers. The sensation sent thrills through Jared's body and right down to his cock and he thrust up, shoving his aching hardness against Jensen and groaning in disappointment when Jensen pulled his hips away.

Jensen sat back on his hunches, eyes hungry as he took in Jared's state. And Jared wondered what was it that made Jensen look this heated, wondered how he appeared. Hair sweaty and sticking to him and the pillow, legs spread in want and hole leaking.  He flushed at the mental image he had of himself, but he didn't close his legs, throwing them further apart as another wave of lust hit him. He panted, staring up at Jensen from under his lashes, and Jensen bit his lips, leaning in to cover Jared with his body. Chest to chest as their lips brushed, smell of Jensen's sweat filling Jared's nostrils and making him dizzy with desire.

He tugged down at Jensen's boxers with both hands, impatiently shoving at them. Jensen helped him get them past his thighs, then wiggled and kicked them off.

Completely bare, Jensen's cock against his was almost enough to make Jared shoot his load, silk velvet heat covering the rock hard length, slit weeping precome over Jared's own cock. It was maddening, too much and not enough, so hot that Jared thought he might melt under Jensen. Everywhere Jensen touched him lit with fire, like Jared's whole body was a raw nerve and Jensen was touching him with electricity. He wanted more, needed more and he whined for it, planting one foot on the bed and lifting his hips up to get more friction.

Jensen took the hint, circled his fingers around both their cocks and squeezed, thumb mixing their precome together and spreading it, making his fist wet and slippery. It was exquisite but it was not enough, Jared's hole was leaking still, clenching. His insides hurting with how empty he was and he whimpered into the space between their mouths. His lips brushed against Jensen's as he begged:

''Inside me. Put it inside me, Jensen please.''

Jensen pace faltered and he moaned, burying his face in Jared's neck and licking over the biting mark. The pleasure that shot through Jared at the feeling of Jensen's hot, wet tongue swiping against his mating bite was overwhelming. It went through Jared's body like a jolt of lightning and he lost it, coming in long spurts, covering Jensen's hand and both their stomachs.

His cock remained hard like nothing had happened, and he sobbed with the ache in his gut. Tears gathering at the corners of his eyes. Jensen dragged his lips over Jared's cheek, and up over to his ear.

''Shhhh, I got you. Gonna take care of you,''

Jensen's voice was thinner than glass, husky. It slid over him like hot molasses and Jared couldn't help the shivers that traveled along his skin.

''Turn around, Jared.''

Limbs quivering, Jared needed Jensen help to arrange him, his arms were like jelly and soon as he got to his hands and knees, they gave out and he ended up chest flat on the mattress and ass up in the air. The sound of want Jensen let out made him feel less humiliated. He chanced a glance at Jensen over his shoulder and saw that Jensen had closed his eyes, taking in deep breaths like he was bracing himself.

''You ready?'' Jensen asked, moving closer so his chest plastered to Jared's back, thighs pressing in. Jensen's cock nestling between his ass cheeks.

He curled his fingers in the sheets and gripped tight, nodding his head.

Jensen planted a soft kiss on his nape, hand caressing Jared’s flanks and going down, massaging the round of one of his ass cheeks. Jared's breath hitched as two of Jensen's fingers probed at his hole. He pushed against them involuntarily, and the tip of Jensen's middle finger slipped in for less than a second. Jared gasped, lifted his ass higher in the air, and Jensen pushed with more intent, both fingers making their way into him slowly.

They sank in like a hot knife into butter, and Jared moaned as his insides burned around them; the pulsing hollowness inside him momentarily soothed. Jensen panted against the side of his neck, hot breath damping his skin. Jensen added another finger, wiggling them around and parting them, opening Jared up.

Jensen's fingers reached deep but not deep enough and Jared felt like he was drunk on desire as he fucked himself back on them, trying to get more of Jensen inside.

''Jensen, please. Please, please please,'' he repeated over and over, Jensen's fingers moving faster, fucking in at a deeper angle and still nowhere near satisfying. He clenched on them when they pulled out, letting out a strangled, broken sound at the feeling of the head of Jensen's cock nudging against his hole.

One smooth thrust and Jensen was all the way in, too big and too deep and Jared lost it, nearly shouting as he came for a second time, hips thrusting back against the intrusion. Jensen settled for a bit, breathing against the skin between Jared's shoulder blades. He straightened, placed hands on Jared's hips and pulled back. Slid in with more force, building up a pace, slow and gentle. Careful.

''Jensen,'' Jared hiccupped, face smashed against the pillow. ''More. Harder.''

Jensen let go.

It was like a dam broke, and Jensen couldn't hold anything back anymore, thrusting into Jared with his weight behind each shove of his hips, driving Jared's body up the bed with the force of his fucks. Jensen's cock was perfect, filled him up and made him feel so fucking good he didn't ever want to leave this bed again. Mind wiped clean, on this bed where nothing existed but their mingled bodies and mixed sweat and the cries of their shared pleasure.

Jared's throat hurt, but he couldn't hear himself, knew he was begging with half formed incarnations of Jensen's name while Jensen was planting kisses all over his back, tracing the dips of his spine with his tongue up to Jared's neck. His lips ghosted over the bite mark again, dropped another kiss there.

The feel of Jensen's plum lips on their mating bite, the perfect fullness and the overwhelming scent clouded his mind further, and he clamped his ass on Jensen's cock, feeling every ridge of it, feeling it pulse inside him and swell. Knot starting at the base and inflating until it was too big for Jensen to pull out, locking him inside where Jared needed him to be. Jensen buried his face between Jared's shoulders and grunted, filling Jared up with his seed.

Jared's third orgasm for the night hit him like thunder, blinding pleasure shook him as his cock spurted. Jensen's fingers wrapped around him, milking him and prolonging his pleasure. Finally he felt calm again.

Jensen maneuvered them so they were on their sides, Jensen's chest sticking to Jared's back, his knot keeping them in place. Jensen got up and supported his wait on one elbow, and Jared turned to him best as he could with their bodies locked as they were.

A small smile brightened Jensen's face, and he pressed his lips to Jared's temple, kiss firm and long. He threaded his fingers through Jared's hair, combing it with gentle motion. Jared's lid dropped, another kiss were placed over one of them, then on the ridge of his nose. He opened his eyes again, staring up at Jensen who was gazing down on him with unreadable emotion swimming in his forest green eyes. Something strong and terrifying in their depth that Jared desperately wanted to understand.

Jensen leaned in and ghosted a kiss on the corner of Jared's mouth, arm draping over Jared's waste, not pulling closer, just resting there.

''You did well,'' Jensen whispered to him. Every molecule of him down to his soul hummed with satisfaction at his alpha's praise, the omega in him preening.

''I'm sorry I wasn't ready so we don't have anything near.'' Jensen said, hand spreading over Jared's belly, just a slight pressure and Jared scooted back, snuggling in more. ''I'll get you something to drink, and clean you up soon as my knot deflates.'' A blush formed on Jensen's cheeks and he ducked his face down, the bashfulness a complete contrast to the way he fucked Jared into the mattress earlier. Jared hid his smile in his pillow, placed his hand over Jensen's and left it there as his eyes fell shut. Jensen's warmth and scent blanketing him, and lulling him to sleep.

He woke up to the sensation of a cool, wet cloth wiping over his abdomen. Gentle swipes that went down to the upper of his thighs and over the swell of his ass. He blushed as he realized that it was Jensen cleaning him. He opened his eyes, peering at Jensen from behind the cover of his bangs. He was tired, but sated and calm. His mouth was dry, reminding him of how much fluid he had lost.

''You okay?'' Jensen asked when he caught him looking. Jared nodded.

Jensen placed the towel he was using to clean Jared on the nightstand, lifted the tall glass of orange juice he must've brought sometime while Jared was slumbering. Jared straitened up a bit, ready to take the glass, but Jensen held it near his lips, and Jared tipped his head back. Cold drink soothing his scratchy throat and he gulped it down, Jensen pulled it back and let him breathe then helped him drink the rest of it. Glass clicked as Jensen put it where it was and turned to face Jared.

Jensen was sitting crossed legged besides him on the mattress, wearing only sweatpants. He still smelt like both of them, his hair standing up in all directions and his eyes warm as he waited for Jared to answer.

''I'm okay.''

He was for now, and Jensen nodded at him and laid down facing him. The silence between them awkward. It would be another hour at least until his heat would demand their attention again, but the coil in Jared's stomach never left. He shimmied closer, nose on Jensen's clavicle, and arms folded between them, held his breath as he waited for Jensen to react. Jensen's arms looped around him, pulled him deeper into Jensen's embrace.

Jensen kept him there, tightening his hold every once in a while, and Jared felt safe and reassured.  All fears and anxiety of past days leaving him as he listened to Jensen's heart and breathed him in. He wished he'd never have to move.

His heat had him begging again in no time, and Jensen held back nothing. Climbed over him and filled him as many time as Jared needed. It grew more frantic, Jensen getting desperate as his rut synced up with Jared's heat. Fucking into Jared with more fervour and less care, just as Jared wanted. Their time in bed was spent fucking then knotted. After that, Jensen would clean him up and pour him a drink and cuddle him until Jared's heat would drive them together again. He didn’t know how much time passed but he was sure his heat should end soon.

''God, Jensen. More,'' he cried out as Jensen drove into him. Jensen manhandled him up to his knees, took his wrists in an iron grip and used them as leverage to fuck into Jared harder than before. Jared mewled as Jensen nailed him just right, hips pushing back against Jensen's thrusts, meeting him head on.

Jensen let go of his wrists, wrapping his arms around Jared's waist instead, pulling him back until he was in Jensen's lap. His back to Jensen's chest, Jensen's teeth scraping the side of his neck. From this angle, Jensen couldn't fuck as hard as he did in their previous position, but he reached so much deeper. Jared rocked down and felt Jensen's knot swell, parting his rim and pushing inside. Jensen grinded his cock in, his knot rubbing insistently on Jared's spot and Jared came for the umpteenth time that day.

When they were able to move apart again, Jensen got up and went to the bathroom. Jared heard the sound of the bath being filled. He looked down and grimaced at the state he was in, covered in come and sweat.  The sheets were soaked through, and he sighed and resigned himself to a disgusting sleep, as he didn't think his legs would carry him to the bathroom or support him long enough to take a shower.

Jensen reemerged and stood beside the bed, looking down at Jared for a moment before he leaned down and placed an arm behind Jared's shoulder, the other below his knees. Jared understood, heart stuttering in his chest as he looped his arms around Jensen's neck. Jensen lifted him up, carrying him to the bathroom.

It was the complete opposite of how the whole thing started. Jensen placed Jared in the lukewarm water, and it splashed against the porcelain as he settled in. Jensen didn't talk, got a piece of cloth and started leathering it with soap. Jared let himself relax under the gentle treatment. Jensen rubbed the soap over his skin in careful swipes, cleaning sweat and come off of his skin. He slid it over Jared's back, over and under his arms, paid more attention to his stomach. He let him clean his private areas. Once that was done, he tended to Jared's hair. Finders massaging the shampoo on his scalp. Jared leaned his head back, pushed onto Jensen's touch and closed his eyes. Enjoying the feel of Jensen's hands on him, taking care of his in this mundane way. Jensen kept at it, combing his fingers through wet strands as he washed it clean and Jared sighed, feeling the tension leaving his body.

Jensen's hands settled on his shoulders, squeezing gently, then sliding up and down his arms, back up to cup his neck. Jared moaned as Jensen's thumbs dug into the sides of his spine, carefully following its line into the water.

''Sore?'' Jensen whispered, air of the words raising goosebumps on Jared's skin and feeling cool against his wet neck.

''Yeah.''

Jensen's hands pressed in, heels of them kneading tired muscles, following the line of Jared's spine under the water.  Gentle pressure from his fingers releasing knot after knot until all of the tension left Jared and he felt like a pile of goo.

''I can't get to the rest of your muscles here, and the water's getting cold,'' Jensen said, his arms already wrapping around Jared to help him up. His shoulders and upper arms felt so much better, but his thighs were trembling as he stood up in the tub. Jensen threw an arm over Jared's shoulder and supported most of his weight as he stepped out of the water.

Jensen dried him with fluffy towels, then like he did when he got him here, he carried Jared out of the bathroom. Instead of placing him on the bed, he sat Jared down on the loveseat on the other side of the room and went on about changing the sheets. Once they were fresh, Jensen helped him walk the short distance to the bed.

''I'm going to order food, what do you want?'' Jensen asked after he brought Jared some water, phone held in his hand.

''No,'' Jared answered, and tried to get up. He only managed to sit on the bed before he started feeling wobbly. ''I should cook something. You haven't had a decent meal in three days.''

Easier said than done, because Jared himself had close to nothing during these days, and he doubted his body would cooperate long enough for him to spring some breakfast.  The fact that he couldn't even do something as simple as cook for Jensen after all what Jensen did for him turned his mood sore, and despite knowing he probably should, he didn't feel like eating.

''Jared?''

His chest tightened, a lump forming in his throat. Eyes stung and lips wobbled. He fisted his hands in the covers, and didn't look at Jensen. How inadequate could he be?

''I'm not hungry.'' Even to his own ears, his voice sounded shaky. Thick with impending tears.

''Jared, you have to eat. I didn't want to bring it up but--'' Jensen went silent for a bit, then sighed and settled on the side of the bed near Jared's knees. ''You've been refusing food, and pushing it around your plate. You didn't eat well when we went back to Texas, even though you love your mother's cooking. I'm worried about you,''

Great, just great. He was causing Jensen so much unnecessary strain.

''I'm sorry,'' he replied, lowering his head in shame. Jensen didn't need this. Didn't need a whiny omega that was good for nothing. Jensen deserved someone who could take care of him. Someone who would cook him healthy meals and help Jensen button his shirt just because, and make sure Jensen always had a comfortable home to get back to. Someone who pleased him and washed his back and smiled at him every morning. 

Jared did nothing but depend on Jensen. He'd be better, he would try his best to be that for Jensen.

''You don't need to feel sorry, Jay. That's not what I meant,'' Jensen eyes glassed over and he stared right into Jared's own, waiting for something that Jared didn't know.

''I'll eat. I won't worry you anymore.''

Jensen sighed again, not with relief but giving up, and gave Jared a tired smile.

Jensen ordered them all of Jared's favourite dishes, along with ones that were more healthy. His smile got bigger the more food Jared ate, and Jared forced himself to finish at least the chicken sandwich and the salad. Jensen didn't allow him to drink Coke with the meal, instead he brought some fresh juice and looked pointedly at Jared until he drank it all.

After cleaning up, Jensen returned to the bedroom and changed into button ups and blue jeans. He got to the bathroom and put gel in his hair and was tying his shoes when Jared finally gathered enough courage to ask.

''You going out?'' And yeah, stupid question because of course Jensen was going out. Asking him where was so much harder though, so Jared had to go around.

Jensen nodded. ''Won't take more than three hours. You want me to pick something up on the way? We need anything?''

Jared shook his head. Eyes following Jensen around the room as he tucked his wallet to his back pocket and grabbed his phone.

Jensen's random outings had been weighing on Jared's mind. He didn't know what to think. The idea of Jensen cheating was absurd. Because technically, they weren't together so Jensen wouldn't be cheating even if he did sleep with someone else. And more importantly, they never talked about being exclusive, or where they stood on that front. Jared didn't smell anyone on Jensen when he got back from his previous times out.

Despite all the pointers to it not being true, Jared's logic didn't hold. He couldn't help but imagine Jensen going to a secret lover that he couldn't be with because some asshole slipped him a drug, and because Jared decided to let them get away with it.

Jensen walked towards the door, about to exit the room and Jared called out. ''Jensen?''

Jensen stopped, turned his head to look at Jared over his shoulders. Jared stared for a bit, opening his mouth then closing it again. He closed his eyes as the words finally left him. ''Where are you going?''

Jensen looked away, extended his arm and placed his hand flat on the wall beside the door. Jared could see the shaking in the line of his shoulder, the flexing on his forearms as he fisted his hand and relaxed it again. He knew that Jensen's teeth were gritted together, that his jaw was aching with it. Jared’s heart sank, throat narrowing.

All the tension left Jensen's back with a long breath, and he walked back to Jared. Sat near the foot of the bed instead of on the side of Jared's legs. Putting some distance between them.

Jensen chewed on his plump lip, turning it red, eyes cast down. ''Therapist,'' he mumbled.

Of all the stupid, out there hypothesis Jared was weaving, this one had never occurred to him and it felt like a slap back to reality. He wasn't ignoring it, he knew what they were and how they reached to this point. But therapy. Jensen was seeking professional help.

It made the situation too real, too grim. Associating it with sickness that needed to be cured. Was Jensen suffering that much? How come Jared never saw it?

Jensen needed therapy to cope with the fact that he was stuck with Jared.

That wasn't the only thing. There was that other thing that Jared tried not to think about, never gave it a name or acknowledged it, no matter how true it was.

Therapy, however, made it hard for him to continue walking along side that malignant word without looking sideways at it.

Rape. 

They were raped. Both of them.

Jared was fine. Not with how it happened but he was okay. Not hating contact, not blaming Jensen, not hating him. He even let Jensen fuck him how many times during his heat, so he wasn't repulsed by the idea of sleeping with Jensen at all. He chalked it up to the fact that he knew it wasn't Jensen's fault, to the fact that Jensen was so sweet and patient and good.

But something wasn't right. Because Jensen had a problem with it. So big he needed help to solve it.

''Jared, I want you to come too,'' Jensen whispered.

''I don't need to go,'' Jared said, hurt by Jensen's assuming that he needed therapy.

''Jared,'' Jensen started again, and the look on his face said that he wasn't ready to let this go yet. Jared bristled.

''Jensen, I'm not crazy, I'm not hurt or fucking traumatized. I'm  _ fine _ .''

An expression of hurt passed over Jensen's face then he got the determined shine back in his green eyes and fixed Jared with a firm gaze. ''I'm not crazy either.'' Every word was spelled out slowly, a hint of exasperation seeping through. ''What we went through isn't simple, and it's not a crime to need help,''

''It's not,'' Jared agreed. ''But  _ I _ don't need it.''  Jared’s felt a bit of anger seep through his voice. Jensen didn’t understand. 

Jensen made a move to touch but Jared pulled his hand back fast, glaring at Jensen ''Now if you hate being with me to the point where you need professional help getting over it, that's your business-''

''-that's no-''

''-but believe it or not, I'm completely fine.''

Jensen shot up from the bed and glared ''You're fine? Not eating, not sleeping. Mood swings worse than a merry-go-round, and you're  _ fine _ ?'' Jensen hissed, eyes narrowing on Jared.

Jared didn't have mood swings, screw Jensen for thinking that. Screw him and his therapy. He didn't feel hungry. He had a right to refuse food, he wasn't a fucking cow that munched grass all day or else was sick.

''You know what? Go to hell, Jensen.'' He threw the covers back and stood. One step was as far as he got as dizziness took him over and he collapsed into Jensen's waiting arms. He felt his eyes tearing up, the anger he was feeling wiped clean as a flood of helplessness took him under, so deep he could barely breathe. He didn't want to go to therapy, didn't want to sit there and talk about how he was raped by his best friend, how that was not true because Jensen suffered too. How hard it was for Jensen to be shackled to someone like Jared. He didn't want to tell some stranger about how pathetic he really was, how inadequate and freakish he felt and how unfair it all was.

No matter how many visits, Jared would never be what Jensen wanted, and they could both spend all their money on the best therapist ever, but they'd still be here, still be stuck. Jared would be taller with broad shoulders and an attitude and a twelve-hour workday, and he would not have the time to cook or clean and he'd never be small and pliant. There was no fucking point. 

Jensen's sigh was warm against his ear, and Jared squeezed his eyes shut. Jensen's arms tightened around him, helping him up and sitting him down on the bed.

''I'm sorry,'' Jensen said, eyes not meeting Jared's. He held Jared's legs up, settling him with his back popped against the pillows, covered him up to his waist. Jared's tears burned, but he refused to let them fall. Jensen leaned in, ghost of his breath over Jared's temple moving his hair the tiniest bit, but he retreated without touching.

''I'll call and cancel,'' Jensen pulled his phone out.

''No. Don't worry about me, you can go.'' Jared cowardly kept his eyes on his hands in his lap, not wanting to see how Jensen looked right now. The face he made when he was disappointed in Jared.  Even before everything started, Jensen's disappointment wasn't something Jared could bear. He hated it with a passion, how desperate it made him feel. The all-consuming need to get up and move and make everything better so a bright smile would wrinkle the skin around Jensen's eyes. 

''Jared, you're still tired. I wouldn't leave you alone like this.''

Jared bit his bottom lip. ''You already did so much, you stayed home all the time and took care of me. I'll just sleep, will be better when I wake up, and you'll probably be done and home by then.''

''I don't know, Jared.'' Jensen glanced at his phone, finger hovering over the buttons.

''I'll call,'' Jared jumped to say, knowing it would seal the deal. ''I'll call if I needed anything.''

''Promise?'' Jensen narrowed his eyes.

''Cross my heart and hope to die,'' Jared said, plastering a smile on his face. He could sleep for a whole day, or ten.

Seemingly satisfied, Jensen nodded and hurried out. Jared laid down, stared at the ceiling and thought that he was still in Jensen's bed before his lids got too heavy to keep open and he surrendered to the sweet promise of slumber. 


	4. Chapter 4

They were back to filming, and the subject of therapy never came up again. Jared knew it was just at the corner, ready to jump in and blanket them in awkward at any given moment. He avoided talking like the plague in fear of Jensen suggesting it again. Things went to how they were before Jared's heat. Back on set to work on episode five. An interesting one that had fairy tales twisted up. Jared had always enjoyed taking something familiar and putting a spin on it, and the work was all him and Jensen, no co-actors for him to worry about.

Work wise, he was in a good mood, but the problem remained, that the pit in his gut never filled, it was firmly there and getting bigger and bigger with everyday.

Out of some misplaced hope, Jared had thought that his increasing clinging was due to his heat and now that it'd passed he was going back to normal, but as he watched Jensen laughing at something one of their cast said, his heart squeezed.  _ This is mine, _ he thought.  Jensen's happiness was his. The idea was so ugly and possessive that he almost fell over.

Jensen choose that moment to turn around and the soft smile he gave Jared made his heart squeeze again, stomach fluttering and knees buckling. He stared like he'd never seen Jensen before. Jensen bathed in sunlight, ends of his hair blending with the sun like they were made of it, the green in his irises flecked with gold. His freckles looked bigger but Jared knew they were just small ones gathered close. From this distance, his favourite patch couldn't be seen, the constellation just below Jensen's right eye.  His heart was aching with every beat, swelling inside his ribs until it was too big to fit in.

Something must've shown on his face because Jensen's lips curved down and his brows drew low. He cocked his head and lifted his brows, asking Jared if everything was alright. He was so beautiful no matter what expression was drawn with his features, and Jared felt a familiar pang.

Realization hit him and he swayed on his feet.

Jensen ran to him, arms around Jared's waist and worriedly asked if Jared was okay.

He was in love with Jensen. Oh God, how did he miss this?

''Jared?'' Jensen was too close, warmth and the smell of rain enveloping Jared. He'd always loved Jensen's smell, the way it reminded him of fall, how safe he felt every time he breathed in it. It never changed despite what happened. He always felt safe with Jensen, never smelled him and not calmed down.

''You're scaring me, Jared!'' Jensen's voice was laced with concern and sounded far away. Like Jared was held in a bubble and he couldn't break free. Other people were talking. They weren't alone. Thank God they weren't alone.

He could pretend.

He turned around so he was tucked into Jensen completely, face buried in his shoulder, and arms around his middle. Jensen hugged back without hesitation. It was these kind of things, the affection Jensen offered him so freely and purely that had Jared's heart bruising his chest from the inside. It was the care, and the emotion and how Jensen held him like he was keeping his parts together. Fuck. How long. How long did he love Jensen like this?

It felt familiar, like it was always there under the surface, and it made so much sense now that he knew.

''Jensen,'' he croaked. Jensen held him closer, kissing his temple and rocking from side to side gently. He didn't even know what had Jared so upset, but to Jensen it never mattered. Jared knew that Jensen would always do this, that he would be there with no questions or conditions.

''Jared, hey, what's wrong?''

Everything.

''Nothing's wrong. 'm just tired.'' He pulled back and gave Jensen the best smile he could manage and Jensen returned it.

''Everything okay? We're back on the marks in five!'' someone shouted.

''We're good!'' Jensen shouted back. He threw an assessing look at Jared then took his hand and guided him back to the next scene.

Jared was screwed.

**

''Thank you, mama.'' Jared smiled, folding the paper he held with one hand as he held his phone in the other.

''You call if you have trouble cooking that,'' she answered, laughter in her voice. He could tell she still couldn't believe his interest in all things domestic, but she was definitely happy about it.

''Will do.''

The line clicked and Jared reopened his messily folded paper, his eyes jumping over the lines of instructions. He probably had everything he needed in the fridge, but his mother insisted on never starting a dish without making sure that all the ingredients were in the house.

He made his way to the kitchen and started crossing items off the list, once he was certain they were all there he got them out and lined them up on the counter, feeling at loss. Perhaps it was better to have his mama on the phone to guide him through it.

He glanced at the clock and signed in relief. He still had over six hours until Jensen was home. The episode they were filming had a lot of scenes of them separate, so they worked different days or hours.

The lovely Lauren Cohan - as called by their director -  was back to work with them again, and ironically Jared was the one to have a fooling around scene with her. Better him than Jensen.

He washed his hands and set to work, whipping eggs and flouring chicken. He discovered two facts while working: One, which was obvious, he sucked at cooking. And two, they were seriously shorthanded when it came to utensils. They didn't have half the things any kitchen should have with barely a pan and some pots and that was it.

He tried to make do with what he had, and with how slow he worked, six hours didn't seem like a long time. It didn't help that his mind kept wandering. Figuring out that he loved Jensen had put something in perspective, but it made him too aware of his own feelings, which wasn't at all a good thing.

His mind conjured up various pictures of Lauren and Jensen sitting together, laughing and staring into each other's eyes. He could see them leaning  closer, their lips barely touching and they let their eyes fall shut and they-

''Shit!'' he hissed, throwing the knife into the sink and putting his cut finger in his mouth. He groaned as he took it out, blood seeping through the linear wound and down his hand to fall on the tiles. He just fucking cleaned this morning, dammit.

He stomped to the bathroom, grumbling as he took out the first aid kit from the small closet hanging on the side wall. Washing the blood away before putting some antiseptic and placing a band-aid on it.

He wiped the floor and washed his hands again; cursing as his band-aid got wet and he had to replace it. Casting a glance over the mess he made on the counter, and the table and the stove; his shoulders slumped. He dragged himself to the living room, picked his phone on his way to the couch and dropped himself on the cushions, dialing a number and holding the phone near his ear.

_ ''Hey assface, what's up?'' _ Chad greeted.

''Fuck you, too.''

_ ''We feeling sensitive today? Something happened?''  _  He could hear the change of tone from Chad's usual sarcasm to concern and he shifted on the couch.

''I'm in love with Jensen.''

The other end went silent, then he heard Chad exhale.

''Chad?''

_ ''I'm glad you finally figured it out,''  _ Chad said, and if he were here, there would be a grimace on his face.

''You knew?'' Jared asked.

_ ''J-man, you never shut up about him, ever since you met him, he's been the center of everything you do or talk about. You didn't go back to visit your family so you could spend the weekend at his house and play video games,'' _

''Because we were friends!'' Jared replied. He knew Chad was right. Looking back at their time together, he'd always had that fluttering in his pulse around Jensen. He was a blushing mess when they first met. The stuttering and the blushing may have disappeared, but the giddiness didn't. 

''Anyway, when it happened doesn't really matter, the thing is,'' Jared gulped, leaning down so his elbows rested on his thighs. ''It complicates things,''

_ ''Okay, first, you sound like the heroine of a bad teen movie, and second how the fuck is loving your mate a bad thing?'' _

''Because he doesn't love me back.'' The moment he said it, everything in him throbbed. An ache in his gut and fire in his heart. It was gonna devour him whole from the inside out, and he had no idea what to do.

_ ''Jay, how can he not love you?'' _ Chad's voice sounded tender, a rare thing for his friend.

''Of course you'd say that, you're my friend.''

_ ''Isn't he, too?'' _

''What's your point?'' Jared plopped back on the couch, throwing one ankle over the other on the arm.

_ ''What I'm saying is, you're friends, and you're mated and you love him. It's easy to make him love you back. He already does.’’ _

''No, he doesn't. Not like that.''

_ ''He's an alpha, you're an omega. Seduce him!'' _

Jared couldn't help it, he cracked up. Imagining Chad throwing his hand up thinking that he was so smart. ''You're an idiot.''

_ ''Jay, I mean it. You're friends but you have sex! Wait, you  _ have sex _ , don't you?'' _

''He...we...Em.''

_ ''I'm gonna go on a limb and say no.'' _

''We did, when I,'' he said and felt his cheeks flushing, ''when I had my heat.''

_ ''Aha, and how did it go?'' _

Jared groaned. ''You seriously gonna make me talk about that?''

_ ''You called to talk about your love life, dude.'' _ Chad pointed out. And okay, fair enough.

''I thought I was gonna have a weird reaction because of what happened. Like getting scared or remembering what happened, but.'' he took a breath, blushed again ''It was amazing,'' he breathed, and a part of him felt like hanging up and hiding the phone and never calling Chad again. Another part felt guilty because he liked it.

''Shouldn't I be more repulsed? After what happened? The idea of sex doesn't turn me off at all. Well, the idea of sex with Jensen, which is even weirder. Because he, ah we. You know?''

_ ''I don't know, dude. I mean you loved him even before, and you know it wasn't his fault. You trust him, Jay. He's been your best friend, and now he's your mate, of course you trust him.'' _

It made sense. But he had heard about sexual assault survivors, about their struggles. He seemed to be taking it in stride, apart from the things Jensen pointed out. Which he only started noticing afterwards. A big part of him not eating was due to the fact that he felt too big, wanted to be smaller compared to Jensen. He threw his forearm over his eyes and groaned again. He was pathetic.

''So, you think I should try for real? Make this work?''

_ ''Do you want to?'' _

Did he?

He closed his eyes and let his mind wander, imagining them coming back home together, exhausted but happy. Jensen's hand in his, as they dragged each other to the bedroom, kissing and laughing. Throwing clothes all over. Maybe they’d fuck, or maybe they wouldn’t. Just curl around each other in bed. He pictured them doing laundry together, shopping and standing side by side washing dishes on their days off when they would get the time to cook at home, and spend the day in each other's company.

His heart ached, longing filling his veins. Every cell of his body wanted it so badly that he hurt down to his soul. He wanted so much. Wanted that picture of domestic bliss, wanted Jensen to look at him with love and desire, wanted them to kiss when they were alone because they had nothing to prove.

''What do I do, Chad?''

_ ''Beats me, man.'' _

After he got off the phone with Chad, he wasted half an hour looking at the ceiling, his brain completely empty. He didn't remember being this confused before, this self doubting.

Maybe Jensen was right and he did need therapy. Maybe that would help them move on and be together for real.

He got back to the kitchen and busied himself with the meal he was preparing. He skipped lunch, but dinner would be great.

**

He ended up calling his mother three more times, asking about what to serve with the chicken and how to make them. He finished around eight o'clock and had an hour to spare before Jensen arrived.

Instead of letting nerves and doubt beat him into throwing the meal away, he occupied himself by taking a shower and changing into decent clothes.  The time flew, choosing what to wear, and he changed time after time. Giving himself critical looks in the mirror and then changing again. He finally decided on black, tight jeans and a white t-shirt that hugged his torso. His attempt to tame his hair was futile, and he gave up on it. Letting it fall in crazy waves, bangs not long enough to go over his ear. He'd definitely let it grow more in the future.

Setting the table didn't take much time, considering they only had four plates and a few sad utensils. He had the salad in a plastic container. At least they had wine glasses. He made a mental note to tell Jensen that they needed to furnish their house. Half the place was empty, and it was ridiculous.  He looked at the meal and grimaced, it held no appeal, his mama was right saying that half the charm was how to arrange it when it was served.

He didn't have a choice, and he hoped the taste would make up for it. He followed the directions to a T, and despite the chicken looking more fried than they should be and the sauce less creamy, it tasted alright. Nowhere near how his mama made it, but alright.

He heard the lock clicking and he held his breath, Jensen appeared from the hallway less than a minute later, looking worn out.  

''Hey.'' He walked to Jensen with the intent to kiss him, but he chickened out and stood in front of him and waved awkwardly. ''How was your day?''

Jensen shrugged. ''Tiring.''

''Do you want me to run a bath for you? Or do you want to eat first?'' He blushed at how cliché he sounded, barely resisting the urge to wince at the confused look Jensen gave him.

''I already ate?''

''Oh, yeah. Of course, it's past ten. I'll...I'll run you a bath,'' Jared turned to leave but Jensen held his wrist, stopping him.

''Did  _ you _ eat?''  Jensen looked straight at him, and with the dinner sitting on the table, there was no way he could lie even if he wanted to.

''No, I was waiting for you. I...'' He couldn't finish, felt so stupid. They always ate on set when they shot late. He lowered his head, fighting the tears that wanted to escape. Jensen's face went back to neutral, and he let go of Jared's wrist and walked inside.

Jared stayed where he was, waiting for Jensen to see the dinner he made. To know what an idiot Jared was.

Arms sneaked around his waist and pulled him into a firm chest, Jensen's face hidden in his shoulder. Jared bit back a sob, letting only a sharp breath.

''This for me, Jay?'' Jensen mumbled against his shirt. ''You made us dinner?''

Jared lifted his hand, tentatively placing it over Jensen's on his stomach. He looked down at their hands, his bigger and tanner than Jensen’s. Something in him broke. Too big, he was too big for Jensen to hold him like this, too tall and gangly. He squeezed his eyes shut against the sting in them, felt Jensen's arms tighten around him.

''Let's go eat,'' Jensen croaked. He sounded like his throat hurt, like maybe he was holding back tears, too.

Jared never wanted him to feel bad.

''You don't have to, Jensen. It's okay.''

Jensen gave a wet laugh that vibrated through him and into Jared, settled in his bones.

''Jared, I want to eat the food you cooked. Please join me?''

Jensen let go and turned him around, smiled at him with his eyes shining. So beautiful like this, when he smiled like the sun came out. Happiness looked good on Jensen.

Everything looked good on Jensen.

Jensen cupped his cheeks in both hands, swept his thumbs under Jared's eyes like he saw the tears Jared wanted to shed and wiped them away. Jensen stared at him and for a second Jared thought he was going to kiss him, but Jensen stepped back and moved his hands away, walking before Jared into the kitchen and settling on his chair.

''This is my favourite meal, apart from grilled meat,'' Jensen said, as he held the fork and knife in his hands.

''I know,'' Jared answered, his cheeks growing hot.

Jensen made an exaggerated pleased sound as he put the first bite in his mouth, moaning around it, tabbing his fork into the salad and stuffing his mouth.

''This is delicious,'' he mumbled with his mouth full, words almost incomprehensible.

''Yeah?'' Jared smiled, picking up his own fork and trying a bit. It wasn't that good, the flavour of the sauce was weak, and the chicken wasn't crispy enough, more elastic than cooked despite the brown exterior of it. He tried the Salad and discovered it was a bit on the salty side, but Jensen was shoving it down his throat like he hadn't eaten in a century and this was a rare delicacy sent in by God.

''Yes!'' Jensen answered, enthusiastically. With how full his mouth was, the S in the end sounded like a ‘shh’ ''I love it. It's the best meal I've ever had,''

''It's not really that good,'' Jared smiled. Eyeing the piece of chicken on his fork.

''Hey now! Don't bad mouth my food!'' Jensen said, his arm around his plate like he was actually protecting it from a physical assault. The dramatic gesture was so very Dean that Jared couldn't help but laugh. Jensen gave him a brilliant grin and went back to eating.

Jared forced a few morsels of chicken down then gave up, trying to eat the salad instead. Jensen released a long sigh, and gave Jared a sad look.

Jensen dragged his chair so he was sitting closer to Jared, and snatched his fork from his hand. Before Jared could protest, Jensen had a piece cut up and ready beside his mouth.

''Jensen, I'm full.''

''Humour me,'' Jensen insisted.

Jared opened his mouth and Jensen placed the chicken on his tongue, eyes darkening. Jared obediently closed his lips around the fork and took the bite into his mouth.  He couldn't even taste it, all his senses focused on the way Jensen was looking at his mouth.

Jensen cut another piece then another, feeding Jared small bits until all the food on his plate was gone. Jensen smiled at him, then ruffled his hair with the other hand.

''Good boy.''

Jared blushed up to his ears, his heart skipped a beat and his cock twitched. God, he wanted to be a good boy for Jensen.

He was getting new kinks, apparently.

They got up and started putting leftovers in the fridge and throwing away what couldn't be saved, working side by side. Jensen let the water run and started soaping up the dishes, silently passing them on to Jared to be rinsed. Their shoulders brushed, elbows bumping together every other second, and Jared smiled.

''By the way, we really need to buy a lot of things,'' Jared started casually, even though his heart was beating in a crazy way. He couldn't believe they were acting like this, talking about a normal, safe subject like shopping trips.

''Like groceries?'' Jensen asked, mock hopeful as he no doubt caught Jared's meaning.

''No, Jen. Stuff for the kitchen, a bigger table for starters. This is too small, and only has two chairs. We need utensils, and dishes and pots and pans and glasses. Everything, basically.''

Jensen groaned. ''You know how much I hate shopping.''

''I do.''

''You're dragging me along anyway, aren't you?'' Jensen was trying to sound indignant, but the corner of his mouth kept twitching, obviously attempting to hide a smile.

''You bet I am,'' Jared said cheekily. Jensen gave up and returned his grin with one of his own, flashing perfect teeth at Jared.

''It's probably a good idea,'' Jensen said after a pause. ''My mom wants to visit two weeks from now.''

Jared’s hand faltered, the dish almost slipping out of it before he caught it again. He didn't answer, and continued working like he didn't hear. Jensen wrapped his arms around Jared's waist and hooked his chin over Jared's shoulder, pressing his chest against Jared's back.

He didn't say anything, just held on as Jared finished drying the plates and putting them away. Once that was done, Jensen stepped back and each of them made their way to their own rooms.

**

''Where are we going?'' Jared asked again, body angled towards Jensen in the passenger seat.  Jensen smirked, giving him a wink before he turned back to the road.

''Jensen,'' he whined, ''tell me!''

''Nope. It's a surprise.''

''Please?'' Jared dragged the word out, batting his lashes at Jensen when he threw him a glance. Jensen laughed and shook his head.

''You'll see. We're almost there.''

True to his word, they parked fifteen minutes later. Jensen killed the engine and faced Jared with a big smile on his face.

''Tadaa!'' he said theatrically.

Jared looked out of his window and his face split into a huge grin. ''It's an animal shelter!'' 

''Yeah, I thought we could adopt a dog.''

''Really?'' Jared said, disbelief mixed with excitement in his voice, and he stumbled out of the car in his hurry to get to the building. It was rectangular in shape, with old yellow paint and big wooden door. The place had a garden that was surrounded by an iron fence, almost reaching to Jared's waist. Above it, a big sign had a picture of a barking dog on it, a rainbow behind the dog, and a rabbit over the dog’s head. The name of the shelter written in clear, round letters, all capital and very glittery.

Jared bounced on the balls of his feet, waiting for Jensen to catch up.

He'd always wanted a dog, but his previous living arrangement didn't allow him to get one, and he couldn't buy a house when he was unmated. Jensen knew that, Jared had complained to him multiple times about how unfair it was because, and Jensen had listened and nodded and patted his shoulder.

He remembered, and he brought Jared here.

Jensen stood beside him and Jared let himself be brave and threaded their fingers together. They were in public after all. Jensen squeezed his hand and smiled at him, tilting his head at the shelter.

''Shall we?''

Inside, the place wasn't as miserable as one would expect. There were cages all around, and small children playing with some of the animals with their parents standing to the side and watching.

Jared paid them little mind, marching up to the cages and peering in them. 

''Hey there, how can I help you?'' a cheerful blonde asked. She was young, perhaps around eighteen, and her hair was pulled back in a messy ponytail that framed her round face. She had blue eyes and wide mouth with a nose that was thin and curled upward at the end. Her pink blouse had DOGS ARE ANGELS written on it in white and Jared liked her on spot. The place was full of animals that masked her scent, but she was probably an omega.

''Hi, I'm Jensen,'' Jensen extended a hand and she shook it dutifully. ''This is my omega, Jared. We're looking to adopt a dog.''

The minute Jensen said the words her face transformed into the most sunny expression ever, her mouth opening up in a big grin. ''That's wonderful! Let me show you around! We have tons of dogs that I'm sure you're going to just adore. I'm Stacy, by the way.'' 

They followed her around the cages. She stopped in front of the ones that were young first, explaining how they got each one of them. She pulled one out and started chattering on how sweet the puppy she held was, Jared didn't recognize the mix, but he was small and fluffy and likely to find a family fast. Jared could already see a three year-old ecstatic at having him.

What he wanted was to give one of the older dogs a home. Jensen knew him well enough to tell her that this dog wasn't the one for them after one glance at Jared's smile.

''What about these two?'' Jensen pointed, and took big steps towards the cages at the other side of the place. Jared looked to where Jensen was and instantly fell in love with the dogs.

One of them was some Mastiff cross-mix and the other looked like a German Shepherd.

''Oh, this is Harley,'' she pointed to the Mastiff, ''and this is Sadie. We got them recently, but they're not puppies and they're massive, so people don't want them.'' She gave them a sad smile.

Jensen glanced at Jared and lifted a brow, as if he already knew that Jared wanted them. But Jensen said he they were getting a dog, and Jared wasn't sure about separating them.

''Jensen,'' he started, and he could hear the pleading tone in his voice already. Jensen laughed and shook his head.

''You want them both, don't you?'' he said, with a fond smile. Jared nodded.

''Well, then. Guess we're taking Harley and Sadie!'' Jensen announced and Stacy whooped. Jensen turned to him then, that soft smile still playing on his lips and Jared had to kiss him.

He stepped right into Jensen's space and laid one on him. Jensen didn't move for a second, but then his arms came around Jared and his lips parted, letting Jared do what he pleased. They broke apart but Jensen didn't pull away. He leaned in and kissed the corner of Jared's mouth.

A short while later, they had their trunk filled with dog food and treats and toys. The shelter had a shop at the side which sold everything dog related and Jared went on a spree. They drove back home with Harley and Sadie in the back seat, and Jared felt the happiest he had in awhile.

He placed his hand on Jensen's and threaded their fingers together.

''Thank you,'' he whispered.

Jensen answered with a smile then put his focus back on the road. Jared kept Jensen's hand in his all the way home.

**

The next day they spent in a kitchen store, buying tons of everything. It was equally fun and exhausting and Jared felt just a teeny tiny little bit guilty about dragging Jensen there with him, but he was having so much fun, and it was such a fresh thing to feel.

Chad was right, accepting his feelings for Jensen and trying to make them a real couple was better for him. He didn't feel as baffled as before at the sudden urges to kiss or touch or lay claim. He simply expected them and toned them down, indulging in some touching, or if he was daring, kissing.

Jensen was currently giving a plate the eye, frowning at it like it had personally wronged him and everyone he loved.

''Jay, I really hate this one,'' he grumbled.

''Is that the one I chose?'' Jared asked, feigned being scandalized.

'' _ One _ of them,'' Jensen corrected. ''It's all flowery, Jared. Let's get something else.''

Jared took in the plate again. He was just messing with Jensen when he chose it. It  _ was _ all flowery and looked more like swimming shorts than a plate. 

''We still need one set,'' Jared told him.

Jensen considered the matter for a while, looking at the displayed plates with apparent dismay, and Jared laughed.

''You laughing at my misery, Padalecki?''

''You bet I am,'' Jared said amidst the laughter. ''Look at me, I'm Jensen. I hate plates!'' Jared tried to look as grumpy as he could but he was laughing too hard to manage it. Jensen broke down and joined him.

''You're an idiot.''

''I wasn't serious about the Hawaiian plate,'' Jared assured, patting Jensen on the shoulder.

''Oh thank God.''

They walked around again, until Jared spotted one that he actually liked. It did have flowers, but a small pink one at one edge, looking faded. He gestured with his chin at it.

''Now that looks better!'' Jensen said, sounding more enthusiastic. They paid for their things and gave their address. The owner promised everything they would be delivered to them by the end of the day.

Next they hit the furniture section, and Jensen had a lot more input on this part than he had about the kitchen. Mostly, because he liked trying the couches, bouncing himself on them when no one was looking and making goofy faces at Jared.

It took them much longer to choose things they both liked than Jared expected, occasionally arguing about what would look best at their living room. They ended up with pieces that were coffee brown and beige, and Jensen suggested they buy something for the walls.

''I like this one,'' Jared said, then sighed again. They'd found several photo frames they both liked, but they had no photos to display. This one was a set, four frames made of wood with thin borders. The pieces were various sizes, three big ones shaped as squares and the last was a small rectangle.

''Excellent choice!'' said a clerk who popped out of nowhere. ''These are very popular with the newlyweds. Perfect for showing your happy moments. We have other similar ones, if you want to check them out?''

What a way to ruin his good day, Jared thought.

Jensen stepped beside him and placed an arm around his waist, eyeing the frames ''They would look good with our other choices,'' Jensen commented. ''Do you want them?''

Jared shook his head.

''Jay, we have a lot of pictures together.''  _ It doesn’t have to be a wedding _ picture was what Jensen was trying to say. Jared stared at the frames for a bit longer and decided it wasn't worth it. They should get some of those artsy architecture things that looked modern and cool and be done with it.

''Pack 'em up,'' Jensen told the clerk, arm squeezing Jared closer to him. He turned so his mouth was near Jared's ear. ''We can take new ones, with the dogs, too,'' Jensen whispered, and Jared's heart leapt into a crescendo.

''Yeah. I’d like that.''

**

They ended up with a lot of goofy pictures. Jared with the dogs, then all of them together. Then a picture of just the two of them. Jared's favourite was the one they took on the couch. They'd set the camera and sat side by side, but Harley and Sadie had rushed over, and the picture ended up with Jensen and the couch's arm digging into his back, Jared hovering over him, and the dogs trying to climb them, with both of them laughing. The camera had clicked to keep this memory forever, and though they did get the shot they originally planned (with them side by side and the dogs at their feet) Jared liked this one infinitely better.

He smiled as he fixed the frame around it, and glanced at the other ones they choose to hang up. One with Jensen holding the camera backwards to take a picture of both of them, Jared on his lap. Jared with the dogs in their backyard, sitting on the grass with Harley and Sadie on either side. And the last of him kissing Jensen's cheek as Jensen gave the camera a big grin. He couldn't help but blush at this one, placing it into the frame.

Jensen had goaded him into it, singing about what a coward he was that he didn't even wanna kiss his cheek. Jared had claimed Jensen was as much of a coward and in retaliation, Jensen had cupped Jared's face and kissed him breathless. Kissed him like it wasn't a big deal, like they did this every day. He had given Jared a hesitant smile after that, and Jared had leaned in and kissed Jensen again.

The air around them had been playful and happy, and they'd spent almost ten minutes making out and laughing like awkward teens before they managed to get the picture.

''Jen!'' Jared called. ''I'm done! Come, hang them up.''

Jensen got up from where he was sitting cross-legged on the floor, holding his hammer and looking absolutely adorable with his grumpy expression and messed hair. He was wearing only grey sweatpants that hung low on his hips and Jared had trouble keeping his eyes from wandering over the tanned expanse of wide shoulders and sculpted pectorals. The fine dusting of fair hair and all the freckles. Jensen was unfairly gorgeous.

Jensen was trying to get the bookshelves they bought into shape, but he refused to read the instructions, instead he dived right in and started working. Jared had read them of course, while Jensen said he could handle it, and well, it was amusing to see him this disgruntled.

''Where do you want them?'' he asked Jared, placing four nails between his lips. Hammer loosely held in one hand, Jensen placed the other on his hip and waited for Jared to tell him where to hang the frames.

''That depends. Where are we going to hang the shelves?''

''There,'' Jensen pointed, his word mumbled around the nails in his mouth.

''Okay, then. We don't  want to put everything on one wall and have the rest bare,'' Jared nodded, then walked beside Jensen and placed the tip of his finger where he wanted Jensen to dig the first nail.

Jensen fixed the pointed tip and with three, accurate hits he was done. Jared hung the first picture then showed Jensen where he wanted the other to be. It took less than five minutes and then Jared stepped back, smile on his face as he took in their pictures on the wall.

''They're beautiful,'' Jensen commented, throwing an arm around Jared's waist and giving him a side hug. ''It's a miracle that you have a good eye for decor and interior design because you suck at coordinating your clothing colours,'' Jensen teased.

''Shut up, you ass.''

Jensen of course didn't.

**

Jared started their first working day of the week with a new breakfast. Not so new for others, but he'd never fried bacon and eggs before. He didn't appreciate how fast the bacon cooked, and ended up burning the first few pieces. On his second try, he removed them from the pan before they were cooked enough, and had to put them back in where he almost charred them again.

Jensen ate them with a happy smile, and when he got up to place his dish in the sink, he bent down and planted a firm kiss on Jared's forehead.

They didn't talk about the newfound ease in their relationship, or about how they kissed while they were alone now, no longer using the pretense as an excuse to be close or touch.

Jared felt light and for the first time in so long, he was comfortable in his skin.

The week passed like a breeze, with things between them getting back to how it was before The Incident. Easy companionship and teasing, and staying up late to play videogames. Jared tried to cook as much as possible and clean. Jensen helped with everything. He even cleaned after himself and never threw his clothes haphazardly on every available surface. They slowly worked on finishing up furnishing their house, and Jensen managed to finish the bookshelves without reading the instructions and they arranged books and CDs and DVDs on them.

On Wednesday, Jensen left for his therapy session and bought Jared flowers on his way back. It was incredibly cliché but the single sweetest gesture Jared remembered receiving. He took them in one hand and threw his arms around Jensen's neck, hugging him close.

They pulled back and Jensen framed his head and kissed his nose. Planted a peck on his forehead, then both cheekbones. Jared's lids dropped at the soft touches, and Jensen kissed his eyes. A ghost brush of lips on the mole beside his nose, then on the one on his chin. Jensen trailed the line of his jaw with unbearably light kisses until Jared couldn't take it anymore. He tipped his head down and captured Jensen's lips with his own, moaning as Jensen's fingers slipped into his hair and tugged. Jensen kept the kiss chaste, pecked his lips twice after they broke apart.

''I thought it would be stupid if we had an empty vase,'' Jensen said. Jared's arms hung over his shoulders, the bouquet dangling from his hand.

They'd bought a vase to place on the kitchen table, and Jared had wanted to buy artificial flowers for it but never got around to it. Jensen's idea was better.

''I'll go put them in water.'' He gave Jensen a quick kiss, before making his way to the kitchen.

''What's for dinner?'' Jensen followed him.

''My mama sent me a recipe for ribs, said I can do it in the oven instead of on a grill. And since we own an oven now,'' he shrugged. He didn't get to cook dinner often, as they got off set crazy late, but tonight was one of those times they had to film at night, and were let out early. They'd learned not sleep the day away on those occasions, because it would make their life difficult when they had to reverse their schedule. 

Jared turned to the pot where the tomato sauce he was serving with the ribs was slowly thickening. His mother had warned him against putting it on a strong fire, and he made sure to turn the heat down and let it cook at its pace. The salad was ready, the only thing left was to set the table.

''Jensen? Can you set the table while I take the ribs out of the oven?''

''Sure.''

He listened to the clicks of glass and silverware accompanied by Jensen's soft humming. When he served the food, the dinner looked so much better than the last one he prepared. The flowers Jensen brought were set in the middle of the table, their colours and fragrance making for a great atmosphere.  

''Damn, Jay. You're getting good at this!'' Jensen complimented, always showering Jared with praise whenever he cooked their meal. Jared didn't think it was that good, but he smiled and thanked Jensen anyway.

''I was thinking,'' Jensen started.

''Yeah? Did it hurt?''

''Oh fuck you,'' Jensen grumbled and Jared laughed ''I was thinking that you should move your stuff to my room. You know my mom is visiting tomorrow, and it'd be weird if you slept in the guest room. I'm assuming she expects to be there anyway,'' Jensen didn't look at him as he talked, poked and stabbed at his food, glancing at Jared from under his lashes then blushing and lowering his gaze again.

Sharing Jensen's bed. Like he could refuse such a request.

''Okay.''

''Okay?'' Jensen's grin was so big and bright Jared thought he could be blinded by it.

''Okay.''

**

Moving Jared's things into Jensen's room was easier than both of them expected. It barely took two hours. Jensen's closet was big, and half of it was empty, so Jensen didn't have to stash things to make room. Jared's stuff fit perfectly,like they had always been there. Jared knew he was being sappy, but it felt like Jensen was leaving a space for him, like Jensen's life had a special place just for Jared and all Jared had to do was slot into it.

They exchanged smiles when Jensen closed the door on their stuff.

They slept in the same bed, and despite not touching, the line of heat Jensen was emitting warmed Jared down to his core. He closed his eyes and dreamt of them together.

**

Next day, their breakfast was interrupted by the door bell and the dogs barking and scratching at it.

''Must be Mom,'' Jensen said, getting up and walking to the door. Jared trailed behind.

The door opened to reveal Donna with a fake smile on her face. Standing behind her; the most beautiful omega Jared had ever seen.


	5. Chapter 5

He hadn’t seen Danneel before but he'd heard about her. How perfect she'd be for Jensen, how gorgeous she was. Jared thought that Jensen’s mother was exaggerating, surely there wasn't an omega that perfect.

Looking at her now, at her honey eyes and her chocolate hair and full mouth, he was ready to reconsider. She wasn't short, standing a less than a head below Jensen, but she was delicate. The kind of soft, round edges and lines that omegas would kill to have. She'd curled her hair at the ends where it was draped over her shoulders and was dressed in light pink dress that hugged her narrow waist and puffed up to give her a doll-like appearance. She was regarding him with an expression he would swear was calculating, like she was sizing him up. Her lips curled up after her eyes trailed him from head to toe. He was assessed and found lacking.

''Hello, Mama.'' Jensen greeted, leaning down to pull his mother into a brief hug. She patted his shoulder and kissed his cheek.

''You look tired, honey.'' she said, hand over the cheek she just kissed.

''Jensen!'' Danneel waved her hand, then stepped around Jensen's mother to hug Jensen too.  She looped her arms around his neck, pushing her whole body onto his so they were touching everywhere. Jensen returned the embrace and she murmured a soft ''I missed you'' into his clavicle.

''It's good to see you, Danni,'' Jensen told her when they pulled apart. Danneel stared at Jensen with a fond smile.

''Good to see you, too,'' she said and then moved in for another hug.

Jared was feeling awkward and moved to hug Donna, who returned the gesture reluctantly ''Welcome, Mrs. Ackles.'' She nodded at him and then looked at where Danneel still had her arms around Jensen's neck. 

Jared's stomach flipped.

''Danni, this is my mate: Jared Padalecki. Jay, this is Danneel, I grew up with her.''

Jared offered his hand, and finally Danneel let go of Jensen.

''Please, come on in,'' Jared invited them in, closing the door, and wincing at Danneel's big suitcase.

''We were having breakfast,'' Jensen informed them.

''You furnished,'' Donna noted, but her tone sounded displeased. She looked around and frowned at the pictures. ''And you have dogs!''

''We do,'' Jensen answered with a smile, like he didn't feel the menace around the word dogs. Jared honestly didn't know what the issue was, as the Ackles owned two. ''We just got them to the backyard before we opened the door.''

''I thought I heard barking,'' she said, seemingly thoughtful, and then took another look around. ''Don't let us interrupt you, we'll just set Danni's things in the guest room.''

''She's staying?'' Jensen exclaimed, his eyes getting wide. He looked at the bag she was dragging behind her, and if possible they widened more.

''Oh, don't be so rude, you stayed at their home countless times when you were little. She wanted to see the city. You're not gonna let her stay in a hotel when you have an empty guest room, now would you? I raised you better than that.'' She shook her head as if disappointed, and Jared could see the fight leaving Jensen.

He wanted to object, but Donna hated him enough as it was, and he could imagine what kind of a scathing remark she would make if he opened his mouth. Jensen looked from Danneel to his mother then said nothing.

''If you're worried about your mate, then I know he doesn't mind. Isn't that right?''

Jared wished for nothing more than to feel secure enough to send them both out, but this was Jensen's mother, and he couldn't refuse her the first time she asked something of him directly. Even with how disrespectful she was being, she'd cornered him. If he said no, he'd look like the bad guy.

''Of course I don't.'' He didn't bother faking a smile. No one cared, anyway.

Danneel ran and threw herself at Jensen, clinging to him yet again. ''Thanks, Jense! We're going to have so much fun!''

Jared retreated to the kitchen, the food no longer held appeal to him. Donna was leaving the next day, but Danneel? Who knew how long she wanted to stay.

Right after things started to look up for him and Jensen.

His life sucked.

**      

Since their visit to the Ackles, Jared had struggled a lot to get over the pressure of being the center of the attention of people who thought he wasn't worthy of their son. For the most part, Jared thought he'd succeeded. He cooked decent meals, and learnt to make tea like Donna wanted when they visited. He got closer to his mate, and was only a few steps away from turning their relationship into something real.

Meeting Donna again had proved to him that he was just as naive as he was the first time.

He'd just served lunch, and Donna took one look at it and turned her nose up.

''I'm not hungry,'' she said. ''Enjoy the meal.'' She excused herself and went into the living room. Jared sighed.

''I can't blame her,'' Danneel commented. ''What did you put in here?''

He stammered. Jensen dropped his fork, took a deep breath. Jared could see how angry he was, that he was barely holding it in and felt mortified that he embarrassed Jensen this much.

''Listen, Danneel. Why don't you and Mama go out to eat? There's plenty good places.''

Danneel glared at her food, her sour expression turning friendly before she directed it at Jensen. ''You're gonna take us out? Wonderful!''

Jensen opened his mouth to say something but Danneel was up and calling Donna, telling her Jensen wanted to take them out for food. Jared buried his face in his hands.

''I'm sorry.''

''It's great, Jay,'' Jensen protested.

''Yeah, right.'' Jared got up and started clearing the table. Jensen took hold of his wrist.

''I didn't mean I wanted to take them out,'' Jensen told him, eyes shining with sincerity.

''But you're gonna have to anyway.''

Jensen shrugged. Danneel and Donna chose that moment to stroll into the kitchen.

''Jense! We're ready,'' she announced.

''I'm not,'' Jensen said, making a show of munching on his food. '' 'm not going anywhere before I finish this, and since you two don't want to eat--'' he wiggled his brows at them, his smile obnoxious, ''more for me. Now what I said was: go out if you don't like our food, but if you want me to tag along, you'll have to wait ‘till I'm done.''

The ladies' eyes were nearly bulging out of their sockets, Donna looked like she was choking on her surprise. Jared was sure Jensen had never spoken to his mother like that before, and felt simultaneously proud and horrified. He knew that Donna would find a way to blame this on him.

Donna stomped out of the kitchen and Danneel followed in her trail.

''Jensen, you shouldn't have.''

''Jared, I'm  _ this _ close to throwing them both out.'' Jensen brought his index and thumb together, leaving only a hair between them ''They, or anyone else, don't have the right to barge in and belittle us.''

Jensen said ''us'' but he meant Jared. Jensen was standing up for him, like always and while it made him happy, he felt guilty. He didn't want to come between Jensen and his family.

''C'mere,'' Jensen said and held out his hand. ''You look tired.''

Jared stood near him and Jensen pulled him onto his lap. It was a good thing these chairs were armless and new, otherwise something might've broken.

''You sure you're okay with Danni staying?'' Jensen whispered, one hand sliding over Jared spine. Jared rested his head on Jensen's shoulder and nodded. The movement of his head was like nuzzling Jensen's neck.

He didn't want her here, this gorgeous, perfect omega that wanted his mate, but he'd already made Jensen lose face and he wasn't going to do it again. Jensen kissed his temple.

''How about we finish our meal?'' he murmured against Jared's skin, the air of his words tickling the hair curled behind Jared's ear. Jared wasn't hungry anymore but he nodded anyway.

**

Dealing with Donna wasn't easy, but for one day it was manageable. Danneel, however, was a real nightmare. She had her mind set on Jensen it appeared, and there was no stopping her. Not even the fact that no self respecting omega would throw herself at an uninterested, taken alpha.

Jensen had apologized that he couldn't take her out because they were busy working, and she'd assured him it was alright and skillfully managed to weasel a promise out of Jensen to go out on the weekend.

They got back from work to find their house clean and smelling like flowers, Danneel sitting on the couch with a magazine on her lap and the dogs nowhere in sight. Jared wanted to call in their dog sitter, but since Danneel was there and available, she agreed to watch them.

''Hey!'' she greeted, jumping out of her seat and running to Jensen. She placed her hands flat on his chest, and tiptoed to kiss his cheek. ''I missed you. It's lonely without you here.'' She rested her cheek beside one of her hands and Jared wanted nothing more than to pry her off of his mate.

''Where are the dogs?'' Jared asked.

She finally took a step back and acknowledged his existence. ''Outside,'' she shrugged.

Jared barely contained himself from screaming at her. It was freezing outside, and at 1 am, they should be in and sleeping. He ran to the back yard and let them in, both of them barking and jumping at him. He crouched down and hugged them, getting his face licked for his efforts, laughing as Harley threw himself on his chest and knocked the air out of him. Sadie joined and settled on top of Jared, too.

''I missed you guys too, but you're killing me,'' he wheezed, still laughing as he pushed them back and stood up.

Danneel was alone in the living room when he walked back, looking distressed. ''Jensen went to sleep,'' she informed him and marched away to her room. 

He stared at her retreating back, at the curls of her hair jumping and the ends of her cute dress swaying with the movement of her hips. She certainly put effort into how she looked, waking up earlier than both of them and spending the time in the bathroom to fix her hair and apply her makeup. While Jared knew she was there to seduce his mate with the help of his mother, he couldn't help but admire her dedication.

Jensen sprawled on the bed, his chest bare and his belt and zipper opened but the jeans were still on. Jared sighed as he saw Jensen's clothes on the floor, draped over something that was probably his shoes.

''You asleep?''

''Mmm,'' Jensen flopped to his side and opened one eye to look at Jared. ''I'll put them in their place tomorrow,'' he said.

''Yeah, okay.'' 

Jared changed into a t-shirt and sweatpants while Jensen wiggled out of his jeans and called it quits. Jared had to push him and half carry him to get him under the covers. As soon as Jared's head hit the pillow, Jensen pulled him close which wasn’t how they slept usually. 

''Jen?''

''Just wanna hold you,'' Jensen breathed, arranging them so Jared's head was tucked under his chin. Jared slid his arms around Jensen, pressing himself closer. He closed his eyes, letting himself drown in Jensen's scent and the sound of his heartbeat. He didn't dream.

In the morning, Danneel made breakfast. Jensen didn't praise her like he did Jared but Jared  _ had _ taste buds and all of them were rather insistent that she was better than him at this.

''Oh no, Jense. You don't worry about that!'' She rushed to take the plate from Jensen and set it in the sink, efficiently cleaning everything up before they thought about protesting.

''So, you back early tonight?'' she asked, waltzing around them wiping the table, and placing another cup of coffee in front of Jensen.

Jensen pulled the cup to the edge. ''Thanks. Yeah, we're back around 6pm.''

She hummed, walked to sink and started washing the dishes. She looked like a Barbie doll, with her frizzled hair and knee length, light green frilly dress. ''What do you feel like having for dinner?'' she asked.

Jared shrank in on himself, lowering his head. He'd never asked Jensen before, not having the chance to stay home and make him a good meal and he wasn’t a good enough a cook to just ask. He needed to research recipes and call his mother ten times before he decided what to make.

''Nothing. I'm eating on set with Jared,'' Jensen told her, with steel in his voice.

''As you like.''

**

The smell of freshly baked goods filled his nostrils soon as they opened the door, followed by eager greetings from the dogs. Danneel as usual, threw herself into Jensen's arms and hugged him and told him she missed him and would he like a cookie? Perhaps a piece of cake? He didn't want to have dinner so she thought she could make the dessert. Like the living dream she was, her cheeks dusted red as she mentioned the dessert and Jared resisted the urge to roll his eyes.

''I made cocoa, too.'' she batted her lashes. Jensen smiled at her.

''Sure, let me change and take a shower.''

She beamed at him, leveled herself with hands on his shoulder and kissed his jaw, then padded off to the kitchen. Jared was left there, looking at how they fit together and feeling inadequate.

At least he had the nights to look forward to. Resting his head on Jensen's chest and having those arms around him as he fell asleep.

Danneel got bolder as the week proceeded. She took to walking around in nightgowns. Silky, reached to mid thighs and held by straps  _ nightgowns _ . Her pale skin was flushed in all the right places, and her smell was always fresh. Jared didn't want to be disrespectful, that wasn't him, but frankly, he thought she looked ready to get fucked whenever. Worst of all was the fact that he envied her. She was small and pretty, a little doll that Jensen could throw around. All the things Jensen had loved about his previous sex partners. Jared could pretend all he wanted but he knew that he was the last choice, that Jensen was warming up to him because it was easier and not because he wanted him.

Jared knew, with painful certainty that if Jensen had the choice, his mate would be someone like Danneel.

Not like Danneel.  _ Danneel specifically. _

Maybe his clinging was standing in their way, Jensen not doing what he wanted out of respect for Jared. Jared couldn't handle being the reason for Jensen's misery.

**

Jared couldn't sleep. Jensen's empty space behind him, the lack of warmth, the things that got him through the past week weren't there and he couldn't sleep, his chest heavy with bitterness and jealousy.

Jensen took Danneel out and they weren't back until now.

He had no one but himself to blame. Jensen had asked him to tag along, but he refused. Lately he'd been left out of every conversation, Danneel hogging Jensen's attention whenever she was around and Jared had been dreading the weekend. So he said no and stayed home, since he didn't feel like watching Danneel all over Jensen. Wallowing wasn't that much better, but it  _ was _ better.

He gave up and went to the kitchen, drank some water. On his way back to the bedroom he heard the sound of keys jingling. Jensen was back. The door opened and he could hear muffled giggling. He carefully walked to the living room's door and glanced in, eyes stinging at the view. Danneel was held like a princess in Jensen's arms, her face in his neck, and she was all pliant and giggly. Obviously drunk.

Jared ran back to the bedroom, climbed to his side of the bed and wrapped the cover tight around himself. He was so cold in this bed, so cold and nothing but Jensen's heat had a hope of warming him up.

Jensen walked into the room, his steps coming to a halt near the foot of the bed. Jared could feel Jensen's stare on his back, imagined Jensen shaking his head or rubbing the back of his neck. There were shuffling sounds, the buckle of a belt then clothing hitting the floor. Light hit Jared's closed lids, and he listened to Jensen going through his night routine in the bathroom. The water going down the drain, Jensen rinsing his mouth. Jensen turned the light off and a second later the bed dipped as he climbed in behind Jared.

''Jared?''

Jared didn't dare breath, he held completely still and felt Jensen's heat growing closer to him. Jensen's hand was on his waist, and Jensen's breath fanned over his nape, making goosebumps run down his spine. Jensen’s hand slid down, settled on his hip, squeezed and made its way back up and around to span over Jared's middle. Fingers splayed as wide as they could go, like Jensen wanted to hold as much of him as possible.

Like a flutter of a butterfly wing, Jensen's lips ghosted on the swell of his shoulder, then on the back of his neck, right below the baby hair there, and this close, the sweet gesture was marred by Danneel's smell all over Jensen.

''I'm sorry,'' Jensen whispered. Jared had no idea what he was apologizing for; it could be for a million things. Leaving him home alone, getting back late.

The logical part of his brain told him that he smelled like Danneel because he carried her and she was plastered to him. Another part, a more insecure one, insisted that something happened. Coupled with Jensen's apology, Jared had a hard time convincing himself otherwise..

Jensen snuck his other arm under Jared's neck, pulled him so they were chest to back and let out a long sigh. Jared closed his eyes but couldn’t sleep.

The next morning went the same way and Jared felt the desire to scream mounting up. Seeing Danneel waltzing in their kitchen, preparing food and humming soft songs that Jared knew Jensen hated made him physically ill.  He wished for the courage to say  _ enough _ , march in there and tell her that it wasn't okay in any shape or form for her to act this familiar in their home, but every time Jensen sat and ate and smiled at her, Jared's heart broke a bit more and his insecurities grew.

Danneel kept an amiable chatter, light conversation during breakfast. Reminded Jensen that he promised to take her to an amusement park today.  Sunday meant down time, and Jensen had no reason to refuse. He looked up at Jared with question and Jared pretended not to get it and focused on pushing food around his plate.

''Dan, would you mind giving us a minute?''

Even with his head down, Jared knew Jensen wasn't looking at Danneel as he talked, he could feel Jensen's stare like a touch on his skin.  

''Jared?''

Of course she was Dan, Danni, and Dee. But he was always Jared these days.

''Yeah?''

''You okay with all of this?'' Jensen asked, not looking directly at Jared.

''All of what? You taking her out? Sure,'' Jared lied.

''Jared, I think you know what she's trying to do. Why Mom brought her here.''

Jared nodded and cast his eyes down.

''And you're okay with it?'' Jensen pressed. He leaned down, trying to catch Jared's eyes, but Jared didn't trust himself to meet those fiery greens. Knew that the moment he did, he'd break down and cry and beg Jensen not to leave him.

''You have the right to take another mate.'' It hurt him to admit it out loud, but it was the truth.

''That's not what I asked. Jared, look at me.''

Jared did. Jensen was staring right into him, gaze intense and assessing. He didn't remember a time when Jensen had looked this interested in his answer.

''Are you okay with the idea of me taking another mate? You seriously don't care if I did?''

There was hint of urgency in Jensen's voice, a trace of desperation in the way he angled his body towards Jared. As if his whole being was hanging on every word Jared was about to say. It was obvious to Jared what Jensen wanted. He wanted permission, relief. He wanted absolution. He wanted Jared to tell him that he could be with Danneel so he wouldn't be guilty. So he can love her freely. Jared with all the selfishness in his heart couldn't deny Jensen that. How could he?

''I'm okay.''

Jensen let out a shuddering breath, nodded his head multiple times like he couldn't believe what he's just heard. He cleaned his throat and gave Jared a strained smile then bolted from his seat and nearly ran out of the room.

**

''Did you pack?'' Jensen's voice was no doubt coming from the guest room and Jared's curiosity pushed him to make his way there. He felt guilty listening in, but he talked himself into staying put and hearing what was happening.

''But Jensen,'' Danneel whined. ''I don't wanna leave yet.''

''I booked you a flight. It goes out at 7 pm and I told you yesterday. Why didn't you pack?'' Jensen answered, ignoring Danneel's protest.

''You said we're going to the amusement park today,'' Jared could hear the pout in her words and he rolled his eyes even if no one was there to see his disdain.

''No, you said you wanted to go. I said I can't and that I booked you a flight. Now start packing.''

Jared couldn't believe her insistence on staying after that. Jensen was being ruder than Jared's ever heard him. What was this girl made of? Had she no dignity? Jared was appalled.

''Okay,'' she said. Jared let out a relieved sigh. His happiness was short lived, Danneel quickly  announced that she could come up when they had their mid-season break as Jensen wouldn't be as busy and grumpy then.

''No,'' Jensen stated, firmly. ''Jared and I want to spend some time alone together. We've been too busy this past month.''

Jared was surprised but he wouldn't call out Jensen's lie if it killed him. If Jensen wanted to send Danneel away, Jared was all in.

He heard her scoff and his face morphed into a scowl.

''Time alone? Jensen, be real.  You haven't touched him since I arrived.''

''Danneel!''

''Don't look so scandalized. It's not like I was actively listening, I just happen to be a light sleeper and I  _ never _ woke up the past two weeks.''

Jensen remained silent probably as shocked at her audacity.

''I could tell,'' she said, voice lower now. ''You're not intimate. Not like two mates,''

''Danneel, you're crossing the line,'' Jensen warned, a sharp edge to his tone.

''I just want the truth, Jensen. We were gonna be so happy, then you went to Vancouver and changed and all of a sudden you're mated. With a bite! You were so against it!''

''Danneel,'' Jensen growled, but Danneel paid him no mind, continuing her rant like Jensen had asked her to.

''And to him no less, he can't please you. He doesn't even treat you like his alpha. Ignoring you all the time, leaving you for work. Never takes care of you.'' The last bit she said with a sad voice, like she was really feeling sorry for Jensen.

''I can't believe that you'd choose him,'' she went on ''Was that bite in the thrones of passion? Were you drunk?''

She was so close to the truth Jared felt bile climbing up his throat.

Jensen  _ had been _ inebriated, hadn't been in his right mind when his teeth sunk into Jared's flesh and sealed their fates together. Jensen wouldn't have done it sober.

He was stuck with Jared, loveless and sexless. Too guilty to look for love, too much of a gentleman to ask anything of Jared.

''I could make you so happy Jensen,'' Danneel whispered, and Jared knew she was right. She could. She was everything Jared wasn't, beautiful and dedicated. A proper omega, all dolled up and pretty for Jensen. She would take care of him, make him food and clean his house and bear his children, she would wait for him at home and welcome him with a kiss and a smile and she would be happy to do it. All of which Jared couldn't do.

Jared wanted that. He wanted  _ more _ . He wanted to be owned by Jensen but he wanted to own Jensen too. Wanted to be taken care of, wanted to be a partner, to have a say in making decisions. Wanted them to clean  _ together _ , to have two kids, to work.

But more than anything he wanted Jensen to be happy. To love Jared and  _ choose _ him.

Jensen didn't.

Jared was what Jensen got, not what he chose.

''I know you love me, Danni. I do.'' Jensen told her gently ''But I'm mated, and I don't believe in taking more than one mate. It's just one for me.''

He heard a broken sob and a gasp and then Jensen's soothing tone ''Don't cry, Danni. You're a beautiful omega, and someday a very lucky alpha will have you and you'll make each other happy.'' Danneel's cries were muffled and Jared knew Jensen was holding her. ''But that can't be me, Danni. I love Jared.'' Jensen's voice broke on the words and so did Jared's heart. Jensen was saying goodbye to Danneel the only way she'd take it. Using the words Jared ached to be real just to give her a reason to continue her life was too cruel and Jared's eyes over flood despite his attempt to hold the tears in.

''I'm sorry.''

''I should be the one to apologize. I was too forward and forced you both to accommodate me.'' she sniffled. ''I'm sorry. Jared must hate me now.''

Jensen chuckled. ''Jared has a big heart, don't worry.''

''Big hearts are even scarier filled with hate,'' she said cheekily. ''I think he's plotting to murder me right about now.''

Jensen's laughter boomed, and Jared swore he could feel the happiness in it vibrating through his ribs.

''I know  _ I _ would if a gorgeous omega set camp in my house and set on to seduce my alpha.''

Jensen didn't answer and Jared made his escape before either of them could sense him there.

Danneel brought his attention to the fact that Jensen wasn't having regular sex. Omegas could do that, but alphas tended to be more demanding in that aspect. Jensen had been used to having sex almost every weekend before they mated, and now he was stopping himself out of respect for Jared. Last time he did it was when Jared had his heat, nearly three weeks ago.

His heart was heavy, and he hurt for Jensen. But he was happy Danneel was leaving. He could make Jensen happy, or at least keep him satisfied.

He could try to be what Jensen needed, even if he couldn’t be what Jensen wanted.

**

Jensen promised to get back by dinner time, said that he'd wait until Danneel was on the airplane before leaving the airport which gave Jared more than enough time to prepare then to obsess and doubt himself.

The house was clean because Danneel was borderline OCD when it came to tidying up and Jared didn't have anything to occupy himself with. He spent thirty minutes fussing over what to cook for dinner, and finally settled on chicken-fried steaks. They were the safest choice since he'd made them before and they didn't turn out horrible. Logic was on the side of him making them better the second time around.

He finished sooner than he expected and was left with nothing to do but shower. He had a plan and he was going to stick to it.

He spent almost an hour in the bathroom, then another hour pacing around the bedroom trying to decide what to wear. He stared at all his clothes, stomach knotting on itself in a mix of insecurity and envy as he compared his modest choices to Danneel's daring and seductive wardrobe. 

He had to up his game if he wanted Jensen to take him seriously and have sex with him. Going out to buy something new was out of the question so he wasted some time panicking and doubting himself some more. Going back and forth between motivating himself to just go for it and ignoring the whole sex thing all together and make peace with the fact that Jensen never made a move on him and never would.

He stood in front of the mirror and stared at his reflection, trying to think of what could accentuate the strengths in his figure.  He had wide shoulders, but his waist was slender, and the lines of his hips were sharp. His legs were long and shapely. Smooth tanned, hairless skin stretched over full thighs and curved down to taut calves.  He would wear something tight, a black t-shirt and boxers.

He imagined it would look good, but at the same time so simple. Usually that was his thing. Simple. But Danneel wasn't simple, and Jensen didn't want Jared in his usual get up. Squinting at himself in the glass, he finally decided that  _ nothing  _ was good enough.

**

Jared stood by the window and watched as the sky changed colours. Fiery red into purple then inky blue took over. A few stars shined through despite the city light and Jared kept an eye on them and another on the road. Waiting.

Steeling himself for what was coming. He had to try, had to do this. He could be a sex partner, he had flings before, and this way he was at least taking care of Jensen. Jensen wouldn’t have to suffer through that, or worse; seek it elsewhere. Even though Jared was mostly sure Jensen would never, it was still unfair to deny him something so essentiel when he could provide it. Wanted it even.

He jumped out of his seat when he saw the headlights of Jensen's car, nearly tripping as he hurried to stand by the door.

His heart beat over time, sweat breaking on his temples and the back of his neck as the door handle turned.

Jensen froze in the doorway, eyes going comically wide staring at Jared. Jared gulped and tried a smile, but Jensen didn't move; continued to look at Jared like he’d never seen him before.

At least he got Jensen's attention now.

''You're naked,'' Jensen blurted. He jolted and slammed the door behind him, turning to lock it like someone might force their way in and see Jared’s lack of clothes.

Jared walked to him, helped him out of his jacket. He leaned in and whispered in Jensen's ear ''And what are you going to do about it?''

Jensen blinked at him twice then lowered his head. He looked confused and unbelieving, like maybe he was stuck in a weird dream and he couldn't wake up. Jared tried to not let it affect him.

He offered his hand, palm up and Jensen hesitated but he placed his hand in Jared's. Jared led him to the living room, sat him down on the couch and dropped to his knees before Jensen.  Jensen's face flushed red, his breathing grew labored, arousal tenting the front of his jeans. 

Jared drew courage from Jensen's obvious desire and took hold of one of Jensen's feet, pulling the shoe off of it, then sliding the socks off, rubbing at the skin before grabbing the other foot and repeating the same steps. Jensen let out a breathy sound.

''Jared?''

He appeared dazed as he looked down at Jared. Jared smiled up at him, lowering his lashes in the way he knew alphas liked and asked as sweetly as he could mange:

''Would you like to have dinner?''

Jensen shook his head.

Feeling himself blush, he crawled closer until he forced Jensen's knees to spread, making space for himself between. Jared extended his body up, until his face was near Jensen's neck, nosing at his collar. His breath stuttered, betraying some of the nervousness behind his bold act.

''Or would you like to have me?''

Jensen groaned at the words, head dropping to rest on the back of the couch. Jared could see Jensen getting harder, and he took that as an invitation to go on.

Jared slid his palms down Jensen's front to the hem of his shirt, pulling it out of its place then moving to the buckle of the belt. His stomach swooped and he could hear the rush of blood in his ears as he zipped Jensen's jeans down. The sound of the zipper had never been a big deal to him, but hearing it had a finality that made anticipation curl in his belly and he felt himself hardening.

Jensen took a shaky breath then lifted his head to face Jared and Jared kept his eyes on Jensen's as he tucked his boxers below his balls.

Jensen's cock was hard and flushed, tip shiny with precome. Jared allowed himself to look, follow the drops of pearly white as they made their way down the shaft. His mouth watered, and he leaned in, licking at the slit. Getting his first taste of Jensen.

His moan was echoed back to him by Jensen, and he couldn't tease like he planned to do. He caught Jensen's eyes with his, opened his mouth wide and took the spongy head in. Sucking and groaning as Jensen's taste burst inside of his mouth. He circled his tongue around the head, swallowed multiple times, felt Jensen shiver.

Jensen was holding himself back, and Jared delighted in the fact that he could affect Jensen like this. He took in more and more of Jensen's length, enjoyed the give of his muscles as Jensen's cock forced its way into his throat. Jared liked giving head, but he'd never loved it as much as he did now. Every little tremor that went through Jensen made him bob his head faster, made him harder. His heart was bruising his ribs from the inside and he could barely breathe around the huge cock in his mouth and he loved it.

Jensen's hands held to his hair on both side, not trying to control his pace, just resting there. Big and warm and comforting and Jared closed his eyes and let himself feel. The base of Jensen's cock started to swell, and Jensen's hips were bucking up into his mouth.

''Jared, Jared,'' Jensen babbled, tugging at Jared's hair to pull him away, but Jared didn't want to move. He wanted to have Jensen's come in his mouth, wanted to taste it.

He made a ring with his index and thumb, squeezed it around Jensen's knot and Jensen moaned loudly, throwing his head back and panting. Jared doubled his effort, bobbing his head and licking around the head before taking it all down and swallowing around it.

''Ahhh!''

Jensen's come shot into his throat, and Jared pulled back until only the head rested on his tongue, so he could taste as he swallowed down Jensen's load.

It didn't feel like a passing fling, didn't feel like it was just sex. Not for him.

It was for Jensen.

He closed his eyes and moved on, climbed up and straddled Jensen's lap. He folded his arms around Jensen's neck and hid his face there.

Jensen's hands gripped his hips, and Jared pushed forward; grinding his hard cock against Jensen's clothed abdomen. One of Jensen's hands slid down to his thigh then up and around, squeezing his right ass cheek and Jared's body jolted. Pushing back into Jensen's touch. Jensen gathered the slick leaking out of Jared's hole with his hand, then wrapped it around Jared's cock. Jared hissed at the contact, thrusting his hips into Jensen's hand and moaning.

A high pitched sound left his scratchy throat as two fingers of Jensen's other hand rubbed at his sensitive hole. Tentatively, Jensen inserted one finger then the other, pumping them in and out. Jared was trembling, and Jensen was jerking him off in time with his hot fingers fucking inside of Jared.

It was better than anything he's ever felt, too right and too deep. Grazing his soul, setting his blood aflame and sending his heart into a frenzy. How could he ever think that he could have sex with Jensen without giving his everything? How did he ever consider that this could be like any fling to him?

He couldn't.

He loved Jensen too much. So much that he couldn't touch him and not ache to be touched back with the same amount of emotions. He didn't want Jensen to leave, he couldn't even imagine to breathe without him, but he couldn't lie to himself. He couldn't be just sex for Jensen.

His climax built, coiled low in his belly then down until it exploded. Every muscle in his body locked as he came, holding on to Jensen tighter. Jensen kept on the movement of his hands until the last tremors left Jared.

He couldn't remember having a more satisfying orgasm. Jensen was sliding his hands up and down his spine, planting one small kiss on Jared's shoulder.

He’d never felt so hollow.

Unbidden, the tears came, and he was powerless against them. They flowed down, and he tried to stay silent. Jensen must've sensed the wetness on his neck because he was trying to pull Jared back, but Jared hung on for dear life.

''Jared?''

Like a baby, the sound of his name only managed to intensify his cries and he hiccupped out a sob. Once the first one got out, there was no stopping the rest and soon he was shaking hard, weeping as Jensen's confused calling of his name filled his ears.

''I'm sorry, Jensen. I really thought I could do this.''

''Do what, Jared? Did I hurt you? What did I do?'' Jensen moved so his hands were on Jared's chest and pushed insistently until Jared had no choice but to let go. He kept his head down and his eyes closed, sniffling pitifully as the tears continued.

''Tell me. Tell me so I can fix it,'' Jensen whispered, hands gentle as they cupped Jared's face and lifted his head up. At another soft whisper of his name, Jared let his eyes open and took in Jensen's face. His beautiful features were drawn in worry, brows furrowed and lips a tight line. There was still a redness to his cheeks from what they just did, that highlighted his freckles. He was so beautiful that Jared felt it like a pang in his chest.

''I wanted to be enough for you, wanted to at least give you this, but Jensen, I can't.'' Jensen's expression morphed from concern into confusion, a little hurt in his eyes. ''Truth is, I don't want you to leave me, I don't want you to take another mate, but I don't want you to stay because you have to. So I tried.'' He pulled his shoulders in, bent his waist at a sharper angle, pushed his ass so it was near Jensen's knees and curled himself on Jensen's chest, hands fisted on Jensen's collarbones, and his head below Jensen's chin.

''I can't have meaningless sex with you. I love you, Jensen.''

There it was, the truth he was too insecure to let out. He felt naked in a way beyond how bare his skin was, like his very soul was on display and he burrowed further onto Jensen.

Jensen stayed silent for too long. Hands at his sides, breath deep and calm. Jared squeezed his eyes shut and prayed that his tears would dry already.

''Jared, look at me,'' Jensen commanded. His voice was a bit hoarse, like he was holding back some words and they scratched his throat.

''Jared, I love you too.''

Jensen was looking directly at him, his face serious. Jared felt the tears he fought so hard to stop start anew. He shook his head, denying what he heard, because it couldn't be true. Jensen, however, was having none of it. He framed Jared's face and forced him to hold eye contact. His voice came stronger this time, and Jared felt the air of every word as it hit his skin.

''I love you.''

''You can't mean that.'' He was trying not to believe, but hope was sneaking into his heart and settling in, setting Jared up for heartbreak. ''I don't want you to say that just because you're stuck with me, Jensen. I know I'm not your type. I can't give you what you want.''

Jensen arched a brow at him. ''And what do I want?''

Up to that moment, before Jensen's green eyes were staring right into his core, Jared was so sure that he knew the exact, most detailed answer to this question. Knew everything Jensen wanted and needed. But now, his mouth hung open, lips moving and no sound came out. His mind blanked, and he lowered his head, blushing at the idea that he must look like an idiot. The fact that he was literally naked and in Jensen's lap was suddenly on the front of his mind, and he thought his face was going to burn from how embarrassed he was.

''A family,'' he stuttered at last, and that part he was sure of. ''And...and,'' and a pretty little thing to wait for him at home and be at his beck and call.

''Can't  _ you _ be my family, Jared?''

''I want to,'' Jared answered before he could think, and his face flushed. Jensen was smiling though, and that had to mean something.

''Then why won't you?'' Jensen fingers slid back into his hair, then down to cup his neck. His touch so soft Jared barely felt it. Jared didn't have anything to say to that.

''Do you really love me? But I'm not small or pretty or-''

''You're the prettiest thing I've ever seen, Jay, and I’m so beyond gone for you. Have been since day one.''

Jared couldn't believe it, felt like he should pinch himself.

''I was gonna tell you. At the bar, on that night, '' Jensen said, looking down. ''I was nervous, you remember?''

Jared nodded.

''Went to the bathroom to compose myself, and when I got back--'' Jensen didn't finish, but he didn't need to. Jared knew what happened.

''But you. You didn't say anything after.''

''I felt guilty.''

''It wasn't your fault, what happened. You were as much a victim as I was.''

Jensen shook his head, gave a self-deprecating smile ''I wasn't feeling guilty for that, Jay.''

''Then what?''

Jensen took too long, kept his eyes on Jared's neck. Jared curled his fingers below Jensen's chin and lifted his face. ''Tell me,'' he coaxed, trying to keep his voice low and gentle.

''I was relieved, Jared. I was glad that you got stuck with me!'' Jensen said. His arms circled Jared's waist and he crushed him onto his chest, so tight Jared could barely breathe ''I was so happy I got you, and I felt awful because I knew I shouldn't.''

Jared's eyes watered at the pain he heard in Jensen's voice, his heart hurting for Jensen. He knew Jensen was carrying guilt from that night, but he was so far away from understanding the real reason. If they talked sooner, if Jared got the courage to admit his feelings once he realized them, it would've saved them both a lot of pain. It would've saved him from lonely nights, and an aching heart and needing body.

He took in a deep breath, let it go. It didn't matter anymore. They were finally on the same page, and talking and they could work up from here. Jared just needed to believe, need his insecurity to let him have this moment of happiness, to bask in Jensen's words.

''You like girls though,'' he blurted.

Jensen laughed, his hold loosening a bit. ''I was trying to distract myself from you.''

''I thought you wanted Danneel.''

''I want  _ you _ .''

Jared pulled back, held Jensen's face between his hands and stared at him ''Show me,''

As soon as the words left his mouth, Jensen mashed their lips together, kiss sizzling hot and so passionate that Jared lost all his doubts. Jensen kissed him like he needed his taste to stay alive, like he's waited all of his life for this very kiss. He kissed him with burning intensity and a hunger Jared has never felt before.

Jensen's hands were greedy, molding themselves into every contour of Jared's body, massaging and squeezing, sliding up and threading in his hair. Jensen used his hold to tilt Jared's head, position him how he wanted. A bit to the side so he can lick into him deeper, passing his tongue on every indentation of every tooth. Like he was trying to memorize them all. 

They broke apart with a smacking sound, panting against each other's lips. ''Jared, Jared. God, you taste so good.'' Jensen panted before he slammed his mouth over Jared's again. Another bruising kiss that seared Jensen's love into him.

Jared tugged at Jensen’s clothes, wanting skin on skin and Jensen complied. Not wasting time with buttons but yanking his shirt over his head, and throwing it to the floor. Jared settled on his knees to give Jensen space to get out of his jeans. He moaned as their sweaty skin connected, heat passing between them. Jensen flipped them over, laying Jared on his back on the couch and settling between his legs. Jared eagerly spread them wider, hooking one of them over the back of the couch and Jensen groaned into their still connected mouths.

''Fuck. So hot, baby.''

Jared shuddered at the pet name, wanting to be called every sweet name with that raspy voice.

Jensen noticed, of course. He broke the kiss to look down at him. His mouth lifted up at the corners in a sexy smirk that did things to Jared's stomach. ''Yeah? Baby does it for you?''

Jared could feel himself blush, but he couldn't deny his reaction, and his hard as a rock cock was enough evidence that he did like it. He loved it in fact.

''Baby,'' Jensen whispered, lips directly above Jared's, his hot breath hitting Jared's lips with every word. ''Jay, sweetheart. My beautiful omega.'' Jared melted at the words, eyes tearing up again. Jensen leaned in, kissed under his eyes, then over his lids. Soft kisses on his cheekbones and the line of his chin, then back to his mouth. Only a peck there, and Jared strained his neck to get a proper kiss, but Jensen used a gentle hand on his cheek to push him back down.

Jensen's thumb swept over his cheek, then another feather-like kiss was planted on his nose ''Sweetheart,'' Jensen breathed. Jared closed his eyes, Jensen's wrecked voice resonated in him. He was leaking onto the cushions steadily now, his cock so hard it was near painful and his heart racing like mad.

Jensen ghosted his lips on the scar on Jared's neck, tenderly licking at it like it was still a fresh hurt. The love behind every caress brought tears to Jared's eyes and he swore he could feel it tingle under Jensen's attention.

Jensen trailed kisses over his Adam's apple, planting them over the line of Jared’s collarbone and down to his nipple. He took the left one into his mouth and sucked at it, releasing it to lick over it. Jared whimpered and arched into the contact, Jensen took it as an invitation to keep nursing at it. He pinched the other between his fingers, tugging and twisting it. Jensen pulled back and made a satisfied hum, both of Jared's nipples pulsing with how tender they were.

''Jensen, Jensen,'' Jared moaned. Jensen chuckled and licked a path to his belly button, circling it with his hot tongue before dipping the wet muscle in. Jared's stomach muscles convulsed, and he shivered, threading his fingers through Jensen's short hair and holding  on.

''Jensen, please.''

''Shhh. I'm nowhere near done with you yet. Gonna take my time, sweetheart. Love on every inch of you. Suck this pretty cock of yours, then tongue you open until you beg real nice for me.'' 

Jared groaned, hardening just from listening to Jensen's husky voice whispering to him. Following up on his promise, Jensen licked a long stripe from the base of his shaft to the tip, and Jared would have shot off the couch if it weren't for firm grip on his hips.

Jensen took his time, sucking at Jared's cock like he was paid to do it, stroking what he couldn't fit into his mouth with one hand while the other held Jared down. He kept on it, flicks of his tongue the best thing Jared had ever felt, bringing him right to the edge before Jensen would pull back and squeeze the base of his cock.

It was the sweetest kind of torture, and Jared both wanted it to end and to go on forever. He felt cherished, taken care of. Lying here with all of Jensen's attention focused on him, Jared couldn't think of anywhere he'd rather be. Jensen released his cock and licked lower, sparing a moment to swipe his tongue over Jared's balls before diving down. 

Jared knew what was coming next, but he still gasped at the wet, hot feeling of Jensen licking him down there. Where he was leaking and loose and messy. Jensen made a humming sound, like he was savoring the best of meals.

''Fuck, so sweet, baby. Hold 'em up sweetheart, show me that hole,''

Jared complied, hooking his hands under his knees and holding them up, offering his ass to Jensen. He felt dirty and vulnerable, but the compromising position didn't embarrass him. He was thrilled, so ready to give himself up to Jensen. He'd do whatever Jensen told him to do, let him use Jared's body in whatever way he wanted, so long as they were both in this together.

So long as he felt loved with every brush of lips and every touch of fingers.

Jensen used his hands to knead at Jared's cheeks, to keep them open as he licked and sucked at his rim, biting the swell of his ass, then kissing the spot before going back to tonguing at his hole. Jared's voice was hoarse from how loud he was moaning Jensen's name and pleas and love.

Jensen lowered Jared's trembling legs down then crawled up, planting a closed-mouthed kiss over Jared's lips. Jared couldn’t have it. He clasped Jensen's nape and pulled him down, kissing him opened mouth and dirty, licking his slick off of Jensen's tongue. Nothing tasted better than the two of them together.

Jensen stared at him, a soft smile only for Jared

''I love you,'' he repeated. Sealed the words with another kiss. Jared was so desperate to have him that it felt like an ache in his gut.

''Jensen,'' he whined, and Jensen shushed him again, kissed his lips then the mole on his chin.

''Flip over for me, baby.''

Jared nodded jerkily and obeyed. He wanted to see Jensen, but he knew what this meant. Jensen wanted to knot him, make it as meaningful as he could. Give them the mating they never had. 

He braced his hands on the arm of couch, dipped the small of his back into an arch and offered his ass up. The hitch of Jensen's breath was followed by a reverent touch of his fingers, then his palm slid up along Jared's spine, to his right shoulder, down his arm to cover his hand. Jared spread his fingers, made a place for Jensen's in between them, and Jensen curled them in.

''One leg off the couch, Jay.''

Jared did what he was told, placed his foot on the ground and stretched it as far as he could, giving himself more space to bend the other leg until his ass was level with Jensen's cock.

Jensen dropped his leg too and lined it with Jared’s then covered him with his body, caging him in. His arm looped around Jared's waist, hand tightening its hold on Jared's. Jared closed his eyes as Jensen's cock nudged at his entrance. Slowly, Jensen breached him, not stopping until he was all the way in.

He stayed in place, kissing over Jared's shoulder blades, licking the sweat at the ends of his baby hair, waiting for Jared to adjust.

It was perfect. The feel of Jensen in him, stretching him wide, filling him in the best way possible. Jared was about to burst, so happy he was about to cry.

Once Jensen started the gentle in and out of his hips, Jared lost the fight. Tears fell down on their clasped fingers. Jensen didn't ask, kept his pace slow, brushing Jared's prostate with every pump of his hips. Jared was already strung tight, but he wanted to hold on. Stay like this for as long as he could.

'' _ Jen _ ,'' he sobbed.

''It's okay, sweetheart. It's okay.'' So sweet, Jensen was being so sweet. Loving Jared with his body, showing him how much he cared about him. Jared wanted to give back, love Jensen just as intensely. He thrust his hips back against Jensen, undulating from waist down, helping Jensen get in him.

''More, more, more,'' he chanted, and Jensen answered him, going deeper, barely pulling out now, grinding down into him. His sweaty chest plastered to Jared's back, his possessive hand splayed over Jared's stomach, and their threaded fingers all pushed Jared closer to the edge. He felt Jensen swell inside, then his knot locked into place.

Jared shouted Jensen's name as he came, felt the warmth spreading through him as Jensen spilled inside.

Jensen grunted, then laughed. The sound was a bit wet, and it occurred to Jared that he wasn't the only one brought to tears by the intensity of their mating. Jensen arranged them so his back was to the back of the couch, Jared spooned in his arms. Jensen propped himself up on an elbow and Jared tilted his head to look up at him, both of them sharing goofy smiles that refused to go away.

''So,'' Jensen started. ''You said something about dinner?'' As if on cue, Jared's stomach rumbled, and Jensen's echoed the sound. They burst into laughter at the silly coincidence.

''Yeah, I made chicken-fried steaks,''

Jensen hummed, leaned down and kissed the swell of Jared's shoulder. ''My good little omega.''

''Jensen.'' Jared's voice shook a bit, Jensen's remark bringing back some of his worry. ''I can't always take care of you like that, can't always cook and play the housewife. I'd like to sometimes but...'' Jared trailed off, his stomach knotting in worry.

''I know, sweetheart. I don't want you to be the one always taking care of me,'' Jensen said, stopping to kiss at Jared's temple. ''I wanna take care of you too,''

Jared smiled, craned his neck up to silently ask for a kiss, and Jensen gave it to him.

They kissed for a while; nothing was said. Eventually Jensen's knot deflated and they pulled apart. They showered together, where they made out under the water stream and washed each other's hair.

After dinner they went to bed, Jared falling asleep with his ear on Jensen's heart.

He planned on sleeping to this beat every night for the rest of his life.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading! Feedback is the food of the soul <3 I'm [Nisaki](https://nisaki-chan.tumblr.com/) on Tumblr, come say hi!


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